Phil Jerky

Consultant: “Any dips during the day?”

Me: “Houmous”

Consultant: “I meant in terms of
energy and mood”

I had a phone call to say that I can take an escort to my next hospital appointment. I’m glad it’s only 45 minutes, as I can’t afford to pay the agency the full hour.

#jokes #hospital

Tall beardy comedian in a loud shirt looking happy as he makes people laugh

Had an excellent gig last night at Allsortz Comedy in Barnet!

A well-run, friendly, and well attended gig with an audience who enjoyed a great lineup of comedians.

My set went down very well, as you can see from the smile on my face!

#standup #parkinsons #disability

Recently I’ve been struggling to put food on the table. I’m fine for money, I just would make a terrible waiter.

#jokes #parkinsons

Tonight!

It’s World Parkinson’s Day.

Why not celebrate by asking someone you know with Parkinson’s if they have tried yoga, cannabis, or turmeric.

#worldparkinsonsday #parkinsons #yopd

Understanding is like marmite: a little goes a long way. Marmite is better on crumpets though.

#ParkinsonsAwarenessMonth

After 8 hours of doing semaphore wrong, I’m starting to flag.

#lunchpun

This is probably my favourite photo I have from my gigs. To be fair, I normally don’t stand still enough to get a non-blurry one!

After 8 hours of doing semaphore wrong, I’m starting to flag. #dadjokes

To be fair, it’s a very convincing costume

Where you can catch me the rest of this month:

Friday 14th: Raw Comedy, Evesham

Sun 16th: Hot Water Comedy Club, Liverpool - New Act Night

Sunday 23rd: Leeds Laughter Lounge

Thurs 7th: The Grin Distillery, Cheltenham

Tonight at Fat Penguin in Moseley was the first of several gigs this month. It’s fair to say it went incredibly well! Brilliant audience and I was buzzing afterwards 🤩

Me as a teenager listening to Rage Against The Machine:

“We gotta take the power back!”

Me in my mid-forties:

“We gotta take a power nap”

Make new friends today by wishing everyone in West England a happy St David’s Day 🌼

“If people don’t respect your boundaries, cut them out of your life”

Ben Stokes

An unsatisfactory climax for the O’s.

#facup

Cashier: can I get an email from you?

Me: I would prefer a paper receipt

Cashier: ok

Me: iwouldpreferapaperreceipt@gmail.com

Schools every other day of the year: Please provide a healthy snack for your child.

School discos: Please allow us to fill your child with enough sugar to put a diabetic in a permanent coma.

Mount Everest: Nepal hits climbers with higher permit fees The price to climb the world's tallest peak will soon increase for the first time in almost a decade.

$15,000 to climb Everest?! That’s a bit steep!

www.bbc.com/news/article...

👏👏👏

Lowest point of your day - maybe. A dip, definitely.

Was going to visit Warwick Castle but couldn’t find the nearest railway station. I lost my train of fort. #LunchPun

Equinox: how a horse lets you know they’re at your door

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

When life gives you lemons, you know it’s time to stop hanging around with weirdos with strange names that randomly hand you fruit. 

Photo of Nutmeg standing on all fours on top of a small cylindrical stool

If you press the bottom of the cylinder, her legs collapse

Don’t you hate it when you order a napkin on a plate and it comes with a chocolate cake on top?

I've just had an accident with an orange. I have Sevilla injuries.

#LunchPun

Sometimes professional sportspeople make it look so easy, you think that you could do what they do. I don’t have that thought watching the darts 🎯🤕

#parkinsons #darts

Happy New Year! And also happy birthday if it’s your birthday this year!