🧵Hillary Moyer🪡

I've heard it's almost heaven

While I think this is an understandable impulse, I also think we should expect the one person in law enforcement who gets elected by the people (as opposed to hired) to follow the laws. A prospective sheriff is the last person you want dispensing vigilante justice!

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the shoot the moon gambit

See, I actually get painfully neurotypical vibes from him. Like he couldn't even comprehend or countenance the neurodiverse experience

If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke... a stroke of luck that is. It’s toast time.

April — 1906
Books are now narcotics

ok but why did I actually google "burj khalifa skyline chili" 🤦🏼‍♀️

This one bugs me so much because it's not even a southern phrase! 😤 Hit 'em with a "bless your heart" at least!

This only works under the premise that people only go to local colleges!

The greatest trick men ever pulled was convincing the world that "angry" wasn't an emotion

Zealous and edgy can definitely overlap, but aren't really the same thing

How weak is their "Jesus" that THEY have to bring him back? Shouldn't he come back on his own?? He doesn't need them!

(put Jesus in quotes bc I'm a Christian who looks down on them so it's less of an edgy online atheist thing and more of a "your theology sucks even according to your own logic" way)

I'm receiving word that Republicans are now getting funds from Big Claw Machine!

a bald man in a suit and tie is raising his arms Alt: A gif of Ted (played by the late Sam Lloyd) raising his arms into the air victoriously

The way I thought this was about him

Woke up feeling pretty OK then I saw people in my newsfeed scolding anyone who criticizes the war in Iran because women are oppressed by the regime there. WE KNOW, we just don't think bombing the country will un-oppress them.

And then there's my heathen (Anglican) butt who makes the sign of the cross with my left hand more often than not because I'm using my right hand to hold my toddler! 😂

The new Ms Rachel episode on friendship opens with her singing her classic "hop little bunnies" with Rahaf, a 4 year old double amputee from Gaza. 😭😭😭

For what it's worth the divided loyalties trope is tossed against any minority ethnicity/religion, I wouldn't say it's specifically an antisemitic trope (although it definitely can be used that way!)

Oh that's true, I read it too fast! When I picture Western MD I picture like McHenry

What's odd is how far western Maryland is from Baltimore. Like, it's literally closer to Pittsburgh than to Baltimore! It's such a weird staging area

Sounds like a worse version of half the sandwiches you could order at a Primanti's in Pittsburgh 😌

rough day for anyone who believes in the sanctity of human life

You would THINK they would be content with having their identity wrapped up in Jesus for all their lip-service about it but it was such a wake-up call a decade ago to learn that that was never the case, actually

theonion.com/this-war-wil...

We gotta talk about the chicken potato famine then

Meanwhile my family just cut up Velveeta for it. 💀 It was literally the sole reason we had a block of Velveeta around, because we never ate it with anything else

Poast through it?

To be fair, he DID editorialize that last sentence this year! (And that's not a bad thing, I think he very well could be reading in our present circumstances into his annual verses, I hope he is!)

I'm all about these meltdowns though 🍿

I'm not sure that's the take she's supposed to walk away with but I'm trying!