Barns and Noble

Girl, what the actual fuck?

My bad, sis! I’ll burn those all, pronto.

Yuck, we wouldn’t dare put a store in the lower RGV.

All federal government officials can claim their free copy of Economics for Dummies by simply showing their badge. Government agency employees are unfortunately excluded from this promotion. 🫡💸💸

I sure hope the stonk market doesn’t affect today’s Barns and Noble Rewards™️ membership quota. Lord knows it’s not going to affect this non-existent 401k of mine. 😬🫨

Well that’s hot as shit

Here’s the thing: author pop ups are so cringe. Becky’s just here buying the latest ina garten cookbook. She doesn’t want to talk about your sci-fi dragon, elf sex trilogy, Charlotte.

We love to see it, pops. 😘🌸

What a shiny cutie. 10/10

Darlene is out (again), and we need someone to cover the registers. Can you come in for her shift?

Ugh. And we love you for it, babes.

Always giving us what we need. 🥰

Thanks, love! We’re clearing out the gay nudie zines (fuckin’ Trump), so let me know if you want any! 😘

Department of Education close out sale! Flashcards and SAT prep 50% off! Barns and Noble Rewards Members™️ receive an additional 10% off.

Next week, we’ll be replacing the edu section with an assortment of blenders and juicers, so get your shit while the gettin’s good. 🍎🍊🧃

Babes, what kinda cage you wearing? This one looks perfect for me, and my cage journey has been FRAUGHT.

For those that are asking, the individual hit by the alleged brick was a Barnes and Noble Rewards™️ member, and she was gifted a 10% off coupon on a beverage from the cafe.

Todd is making her a double shot mint mocha Frappuccino and applying pressure to her tourniquet as we speak. ❤️‍🩹

We’re repointing the masonry on the sign today because SOMEONE had to go and get hit with a falling brick.

Customers are encouraged to purchase a hard backed copy of The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins to protect from any falling debris as we complete the repair.

Did you use your Barnes and Noble Rewards™️?? Donna! Get this kid a pamphlet!! JACKSON!! A VENTI CARAMEL MACCHIATO!! PRONTO!!! 💕☕️✨

Market Research: James Patterson, aka Jimmy Jimmy Pat Pat? Yea or nea?

Maureen, seriously. I’m going to have to call HR if you keep asking me if I think Todd has “big dick energy”. Todd’s uncomfortable, and so am I.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The cafe will be closed today. Todd and Maureen have contracted bird flu. Thoughts and prayers to the both of them.

Also, we have a sale on all of the Audubon field guides that’s completely unrelated to this incident.

Announcing a sale on all journals and diaries. Maybe enjoy some free writing. See if you can drum up some fucks to give, because **motions to the world** 🔥🌎💀

**sips bottle of whiskey hidden behind the Christian fiction** I’m stressed. 🥃✝️📚

Wtf are we going to do with this extra Valentines Day crap? Donna already red dotted all of this shit. Y’all want me to make her tap dance too!? She’s already missed her smoke break and I can’t take any more of her bitching. 😤💀

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Ummmmm…….okay!! ✨💕✨ Sorry Donna, we’re hiring @kimkimchii.bsky.social.

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Girl, how bout you bitches pick up a fucking book. Sheesh!

Girl, ever heard of a library? Also, Carol is coming back from her smoke break in 15 minutes. What’s she gonna do if I give you her job?

Does anyone have any book recommendations? We’re running out of ideas.

No thank you. We have enough books about men telling women what’s what which their bodies. Have you tried Borders?

What are you trying to say, Larry. Use your words. 🙄