The Last Blockbuster

Streaming is cool, but have you ever made out in the backseat after arguing over which DVD to rent? We fueled more hookups than Tinder ever will.

Don’t ask why the adult section still exists. We don’t judge your choices; we just alphabetize them.

Gladiator 2 is a sequel we’ve waited decades for. Kind of like how we’ve waited decades for you to return that scratched Gladiator DVD.

To whoever keeps putting Finding Nemo in the horror section: we get it, but stop traumatizing the kids.

Shrek taught us one thing: if you can keep the mood going while Donkey’s screaming about waffles, your relationship might be unbreakable.

Crazy how you guys spend $15.99 a month to own nothing. Back in our day, you could hold the movie in your hands, smell the plastic, and pay late fees like a real adult.

Just overheard someone say, ‘Let’s just stream it.’ Took a deep breath. Counted to ten. Flipped the ‘Open’ sign back to ‘Closed.’ Maybe tomorrow will be better.