Erik Karff, LMFT | LGBTQ+ & Men's Therapy in SF

How Trauma Travels Through Generations: Epigenetics, Inherited Stress, & Healing | Erik Karff Psychotherapy This article looks at how trauma passes through generations, the science of epigenetics, & approaches to transmuting pain through compassion. Therapy for queer individuals and couples in San…

Intergenerational trauma often shapes men’s emotional habits and reactions long before we notice it. Here’s a clear explanation and a path forward.
#MensMentalHealth #TherapyForMenSF #SanFranciscoTherapy
buff.ly/bLrV3Fu

Authenticity & the Unpacking of Gender Expectations for Gay Men | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Discover insights into the journey of self-acceptance and authenticity for gay men, focusing on overcoming societal expectations with gender and family

"Be a man." But whose version?
Gay men often grow up dodging one gender script only to land in another. This piece explores how masculinity myths shape our identities—and how we break free.
#GayMen #Masculinity #Authenticity #QueerHealing

How Trauma Travels Through Generations: Epigenetics, Inherited Stress, & Healing | Erik Karff Psychotherapy This article looks at how trauma passes through generations, the science of epigenetics, & approaches to transmuting pain through compassion. Therapy for queer individuals and couples in San…

Some triggers make more sense when we see the lineage behind them. This piece explores how intergenerational trauma impacts the present.
#SocialAnxiety #TraumaTherapy #BayAreaTherapist
buff.ly/bLrV3Fu

Performance or Protection? When Masculinity Becomes a Mask | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Some men perform masculinity. Others protect themselves with it. This article explores the roots of that performance—and how therapy helps.

When does masculinity become performance instead of authenticity?
New article: Performance or Protection? When Masculinity Becomes a Mask
#MensMentalHealth #Masculinity #TherapyForMen #SanFrancisco
 buff.ly/lSNsNr6

@meshevents.bsky.social Thanks for the repost!

Thanks so much for the repost and I'm glad you've found the article helpful!

How Shame Affects Relationships — And How Couples Can Rediscover Joy & Intimacy | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Shame can quietly damage relationships. This article highlights ways couples can recognize it, talk about it, and rebuild trust with support from couple therapy in San Francisco.

Shame works in silence—it tightens communication, distances partners, and makes joy feel harder to access.
I wrote about how couples can understand these patterns and find their way back to closeness and ease.
buff.ly/KQYxBbh
#CouplesTherapy #QueerCouples #GayTherapySF #AttachmentWounds

How Trauma Travels Through Generations: Epigenetics, Inherited Stress, & Healing | Erik Karff Psychotherapy This article looks at how trauma passes through generations, the science of epigenetics, & approaches to transmuting pain through compassion. Therapy for queer individuals and couples in San…

Intergenerational trauma can shape how we respond to conflict, stress, and connection. Here’s a grounded look at what it is and how healing actually works.
#TherapyForMen #SanFranciscoTherapy #GayTherapySF

If shame is the “silent disconnector,” curiosity is the antidote. I wrote about the neuroscience of shame in relationships and how couples rebuild connection and intimacy.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#Relationships #CouplesTherapy #QueerTherapist #AttachmentTheory #Intimacy #BayAreaTherapist

Why Change in Therapy Can Be Counterintuitive | Erik Karff Psychotherapy At the heart of the "Paradoxical Theory of Change" is radical acceptance. This idea resonates deeply with clients struggling with self-worth, anxiety, or societal pressures. Many individuals come to…

Trusting the discomfort. A new post on why therapy change can feel backwards at first: buff.ly/BG7OVaX #HealingJourney #Therapy

Authenticity & the Unpacking of Gender Expectations for Gay Men | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Discover insights into the journey of self-acceptance and authenticity for gay men, focusing on overcoming societal expectations with gender and family

From locker rooms to hookup apps, masculinity can feel like a costume we’re forced to wear.
What happens when gay men start unlearning the script?
#GayMen #Authenticity #GenderNorms #TherapyMatters

Reclaiming Wholeness in a Disconnected World | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Former Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called loneliness a public health crisis. This blog explores how the power of relationships, small acts of kindness, & presence can be the medicine to get on top...

Loneliness is everywhere right now—even in crowded rooms. This post reflects on how we become disconnected, and how we might find our way back.
 buff.ly/K6lFLV8
#Loneliness #Therapy

So many couples carry shame they’ve never named—about needs, desire, identity, mistakes.
This piece explores how shame shows up in relationships and what repair actually looks like.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
 #CouplesTherapySF #AttachmentHealing #RelationshipAdvice

How Shame Affects Relationships — And How Couples Can Rediscover Joy & Intimacy | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Shame can quietly damage relationships. This article highlights ways couples can recognize it, talk about it, and rebuild trust with support from couple therapy in San Francisco.

Shame works in silence—it tightens communication, distances partners, and makes joy feel harder to access.
I wrote about how couples can understand these patterns and find their way back to closeness and ease.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#CouplesTherapy #QueerCouples #GayTherapySF #AttachmentWounds

When Getting Close Feels Too Risky: Avoidant Attachment and the Wounds Behind It | Erik Karff Psychotherapy We know that avoidant attachment, often rooted in trauma, can impact self-compassion and relationships—and how therapy can help. Written by San Francisco psychotherapist Erik Karff.

What are the hallmarks of avoidant attachment? How does interpersonal trauma shape these patterns? & how can mindful self-compassion begin to transform them?
buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#AttachmentStyles #TraumaHealing #MindfulSelfCompassion #Therapy #Healing

Normalizing Discord in Relationships: Why Rupture & Repair is Key to Intimacy | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Discover how the ups and downs of relationships can foster intimacy and growth. Insights from the book The Power of Discord provide a new framework for understanding relational conflict and the power…

Conflict doesn’t mean failure. In fact, it’s part of intimacy. Here’s why rupture and repair matter more than “getting it right” every time.

The Pain of Self-Judgment Is Real—So Is the Possibility of Self-Acceptance | Erik Karff Psychotherapy What if you treated yourself with the same kindness you offer others? Explore the power of self-acceptance and how to break free from self-doubt

“The inner voice that tears you down isn’t the only voice you have.”
On the real pain of self-judgment — and the radical practice of turning toward yourself with care.
Read more: buff.ly/OpgQuTO
#Therapy #SelfLove #Compassion

What are the hallmarks of #avoidant attachment?
How does interpersonal trauma shape these patterns?
And how can mindful self-compassion begin to transform them?
buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#AttachmentStyles #TraumaHealing #MindfulSelfCompassion #Therapy #Healing

For many gay men, perfectionism isn’t just a personal habit—it’s a survival strategy. I explore how this shows up and what therapy can offer.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#GayMen #MentalHealth #Perfectionism #QueerTherapy

From Codependency to Interdependence: Shifts Toward More Fulfilling Relationships | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Strong relationships require clear boundaries. If saying no feels impossible or other people’s emotions dictate your own, this is what you need to know.

Codependency is often misunderstood as excessive clinginess. But beneath it lies a survival strategy rooted in early attachment dynamics.
This piece explores the path toward interdependence—how we move from relational enmeshment to shared, respectful connection.

When Getting Close Feels Too Risky: Avoidant Attachment and the Wounds Behind It | Erik Karff Psychotherapy We know that avoidant attachment, often rooted in trauma, can impact self-compassion and relationships—and how therapy can help. Written by San Francisco psychotherapist Erik Karff.

Mindful self-compassion has played an important role in my own well-being.
Research is now connecting interpersonal trauma to avoidant attachment —& showing how compassion practices can create change. buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#MindfulSelfCompassion #AttachmentHealing #TraumaRecovery #Psychotherapy

We don’t talk enough about how perfectionism can serve as protection—and how it also takes a toll. If you’re a gay or queer man and you’ve felt this way, you might find something connected here.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#LGBTQIA #GayMenMentalHealth #TherapyForMen #Authenticity

Reclaiming Wholeness in a Disconnected World | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Former Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called loneliness a public health crisis. This blog explores how the power of relationships, small acts of kindness, & presence can be the medicine to get on top...

Loneliness isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s just a quiet sense of being apart from yourself.
On disconnection, grief, and the longing to feel whole.
 buff.ly/I2jqxPs
#Loneliness #TherapyForMen

“Walk With Me Now”: Thich Nhat Hanh on Death, Presence, and Interbeing | Erik Karff Psychotherapy A profound poem by Thich Nhat Hanh on death, loss, and presence beyond separation. A reflection on grief and interbeing, shared in honor of his life and teachings.

I lost two close friends during shelter in place — a mentor who was an artist & musician, & an old crush I reconnected w/ before he passed. Thích Nhất Hạnh’s words brought me peace during this difficult time. May his poem bring you #comfort

Perfectionism as Protection: Gay Men, Shame, and the Longing to Belong | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Explore how perfectionism shows up in the lives of gay men in San Francisco—and how therapy and self-compassion can help shift old patterns.

Do you ever feel like you have to be “the best version” of yourself to belong? For gay men in particular, that pressure often hides #shame, fear, and longing. Here’s a blog I wrote about how we can begin to loosen that grip.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#GayTherapySF #MenInTherapy #ShameAndBelonging #QueerMen

Longing for Daddy: Gay Desire, Generational Wounds, and the Therapy Room | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Explore the complexities of cross-generational desire, queer longing, & the impact of the AIDS crisis in this reflective article on “daddies,” intimacy, & healing within the LGBTQ+ community.…

Longing for a “daddy” isn’t always about sex. It’s about grief, mentorship, memory, and survival. This reflection looks at desire, the AIDS crisis, and intergenerational queer love.
buff.ly/PRVkCh0
#GayTherapy #LGBTQHistory #QueerMen #CastroSF

Avoidant attachment can look like independence on the surface, but often hides deep patterns of protection.
How does trauma shape these patterns? & how can mindful self-compassion help us soften & heal?
buff.ly/xQFqNU1
#AvoidantAttachment #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing #TherapyForMen

Performance or Protection? When Masculinity Becomes a Mask | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Some men perform masculinity. Others protect themselves with it. This article explores the roots of that performance—and how therapy helps.

Men are often presured to perform. But, is this at the cost of connection?
New piece on masculinity, masks, and therapy.
#MensMentalHealth #TherapyForMen #QueerCommunity #Masculinity

To Be a Man: a Song on Courage, Connection, and Men’s Mental Health | Erik Karff Psychotherapy Martin Luke Brown’s To Be a Man asks: Is this what it’s like? A moving look at courage, silence, friendship, and the realities of masculine conditioning.

There’s something pretty genuine in Martin Luke Brown’s “To Be a Man.”
This article is about how it speaks to the emotional balancing act so many men live every day. buff.ly/IA9wANf
#Masculinity #MensTherapy #MentalHealth