Incognito Bowser

We may have our differences, but we all clean our hands on our glass of water at a restaurant the same.

If you don't eat a full serving size, you don't need to log the calories.

Follow for more health tips!

Missing spooky season. The only thing haunting me now are my bills.

Funny how the "I don't pick sides" people only ever seem to defend right-wing controversies...

Cigarette smokers have gone down!!.... because teens are vaping more now.

But sure, we'll keep focusing on the "trend" of trans shooters. 🙄 This planet's exhausting.

It's insulting that he's getting more love, sympathy, and attention than he and his fans ever gave to the child victims of gun violence.

They never go get their car fixed by some dude in town who's watched a lot of YouTube videos about it. Weird.

"It's for their safety!" Get a desk job then, if you're too afraid to show your face in your *public* service job.

I worked in jails for 10 years. You think there weren't dangerous people in there who would eventually be on the streets, too? Didn't see *me* covering my face.

The same crowd that says, "One is too many," for murders committed by immigrants, but cosplay as crickets after the 28585th school shooting.

"Wow, they made Jesus woke!"
- Some Republican, probably.

If I had a dollar for every time I angrily thought, "Shut the *fuck* up!" while reading the news.....

I'm not burnt out. I'm lightly toasted.

America: Where the immigration policy includes a wildlife exhibit.

Who needs therapy when I've got a bookshelf full of characters with worse problems than mine?

U.S. politics is like watching the Titanic sink, but half the passengers are arguing that the iceberg isn’t real.

Nothing says, ‘I’m not in control of my life’ like standing in the yard at 3AM, begging a dog to poop.

Me: I’m not letting the dogs on the couch.

Also me: Scoots over, sacrifices entire side, sits half-off the cushion like a guest.

I didn’t spiral, I twirled. It was ✨whimsical despair.✨

If you have a bigger problem with fringe riots than with the blatant disregard for laws and the Constitution from your government, you're weirdly focused on the wrong thing.

I need a degree just to understand the title!

Awesome work!

Isn't it crazy how mere accusations are deserving of a shipment to a foreign torture prison, but multiple felony convictions make you worthy of being President?

What a world.

My wife compares it to Pokémon hunting. You expand your Pokédex when you "catch" a new bird.

Hey, remember when people were getting called "crazy" and "hyperbolic" for comparing Trump to Hitler?

Now, the same people who called them that are cheering on the export of a certain group of people to foreign torture prisons without due process because "they deserve it."

Haha! Awkward.

Psh, science and facts are for liberals.

Everyone grasping for any excuse for why the erroneously deported Maryland resident "deserves" to be in a foreign torture prison...
Let's not forget that many German citizens were convinced that Jewish people were criminals deserving of detainment without due process.

My favourite game?

Actually reading the articles of the headlines people use to argue with me, only to find their own source debunking/arguing against their own point.

Like, how do we have a guy for President whose criminal record couldn't get him a job at Walmart?

When we were kids, "Anyone can become President" was meant to be inspiring. Now it's more of a threat, isn't it?

That's rich, coming from the Party that is focusing on the oh-so scary trans athletes that are outnumbered by the measles cases in Texas...