Dreidic Randall

haunted house employee: oh hey u guys are back early

astronaut: dracula sucked my dick

haunted house employee: what?

astronaut: *loading a pistol and heading back into the haunted house* dracula sucked my dick

At midnight EST Halloween night we can declare that Dracula is dead. Test your drugs, kids.

⋆ ⍣ ✩ ✵ ✶ ⋆ ٭ ⋆ ✶ ✵ ✩ ⍣ ⋆
✨H A L L 🌔 W ‘ E D🌩️
🦉💫B🦇E⚡️🕷️
🌲🍂T🥀H🪾Y🕸️🍁
🐦‍⬛W 🍄 E 👁️ E 🍄‍🟫 N 🐈‍⬛
｡⋆⭒𓍊𓋼𓍊⋆⭒𓍊 🩸 𓍊⋆˚⭒𓍊𓋼𓍊⭒.⋆｡

At the pound feeding the dogs extra Hershey’s kisses for spooky season! Dogs deserve to trick or treat, too! 👻

Imagine if your buddy Jeff fucked up so bad they had to make another guy be Jeff.

Yeah why doesn’t he write a story where everything is nice, for once?

What crimes did he commit as a member of the 1% of bikers that are criminals?

It’s my wiiiiife
And it’s now or never

A little confession: I’m the fed who spiked the water cooler at The Intercept with really bad acid. I didn’t do it as part of an op, I just thought it would be really funny. I was wrong.

Physician: suck thyself

MRI has revealed a “head like a hole”

Go defend the right wing of the Democratic Party elsewhere

Stay on Twitter, Nazi

Thats now what the pod johns are defending

Hey everyone, check your kids candy this year. I dropped my wedding ring into the candy vat at the factory because I was trying to fit my penis through it.

Chotiner: I'm going to eat you...

Victim: Aaaahhh!!

Chotiner: I'm putting you between two big slices of bread....

Victim: Aaagh! Aaagh!

Chotiner: And now...I'm covering you with mustard...

Victim: No! NO!

None of the stuff from VVitch would happen to me because I mind my business

In NYC you’re never more thats 10ft from a rat. He is your animal familiar and if you’re ever separated from him your soul dies.

Fuck me up

Not seeing any leftists give that guy space. Plenty of libs, tho

We here at the Dragula Corporation want you to know that despite what you hear in popular media you should not “slam” in the back of our vehicles. This usage is not covered by your warrantee and can cause irreparable axle damage.

Woke up to the sad news about Elon Musk. While inspecting his new line of Optimus robots he asked for a demonstration hand job and one of the bots snapped off his mangled johnson like an icicle. He died because the EMTs were laughing too hard to bandage him properly.

Berry Extra Strength Tweaker

You do. It’s just that your clocks are wrong.

Feeding America has a page where you can input your zip code and it'll show you all of the food banks near you overlaid on a map. If you need it, it's there. If you don't need it, think about donating money if you have it and your time if you don't.

www.feedingamerica.org/find-your-lo...

The second the planes wheels touch the ground you’re allowed to stand up, open the overhead compartment and head to the front to get off. The air marshall can’t even stop you they can only train their weapon on you they can’t fire.

Haha what did you say to call you? Fishsmell? Was going to call you that already boat boy.