The Archer Satire

Israel Claims Credit for Killing ‘Hamas Leader’ Pope Francis

Book cover: #1 NATIONAL WORSTSELLER THE ART OF THE KNEEL BY CHUCK SCHUMER “The greatest book ever written by a Palestinian.” —Donald J. Trump

Coming soon to a bookstore near you:

The organization formerly known as the Anti-Defamation League has changed its name to reflect its new mission:

Biden Pardons Luigi Mangione After Being Told He’s His Son

Video game cover titled "Assassin's Creed: Luigi's Class War"

Coming soon:

“The Lord Almighty came down from heaven to tell me to end my campaign, so I have no choice but to listen,” Biden said.

Biden Urges Ted Bundy to Do More to Protect Young Women

Biden sent a stern warning alongside his latest shipment of handcuffs and crowbars to Ted Bundy.

Political Genius? Biden Begs Trump to Help Him Pass Republican Border Bill

Sadly, this one really happened.

Harris Begins Search for Republican Special Counsel to Derail Future Presidency "As Democrats, we believe that when someone wants to attack you, you should hand them a knife so that everyone knows you’re a good person,” Harris said.

"As Democrats, we believe that when someone wants to attack you, you should hand them a knife so that everyone knows you’re a good person,” Kamala Harris said.

Image of the destroyed St. Porphyrios Greek Orthodox Church in Gaza, labeled "GOOD." Followed by image of protesters interrupting Pres. Biden at Mother Emanuel AME Church, labeled "BAD."

Bombing churches in Gaza is ok, but peacefully protesting Biden in a church is SHAMEFUL

US Carpet Bombs Cambodia in Tribute to Kissinger

Criticizing Kissinger is antisemitic. He killed those 4 million people in self defense.

IDF officer points to hand-written cardboard sign taped above hospital entrance, which says, ‘TOTALLY REAL HAMAS TERRORISM CENTER’

Israel published new evidence that Hamas is using Gaza’s largest hospital as a command center:

Biden Questions LA Health Dept’s Reporting of Matthew Perry’s Death

“I have no notion that the LA Health Department is telling the truth about how many Matthew Perrys have died,” Biden said.

US Looking for Ways to Escalate Israel-Palestine Conflict Secretary of State Anthony Blinken said Friday that US officials were working around the clock to find ways to escalate the Israel-Palestine conflict. “I promise the American people that we will not...

Sec. of State Blinken responded to calls for a cease-fire, saying, “The US does not negotiate with pro-peace organizations. Doctors Without Borders is a dangerous group that is not to be trusted."

Feinstein’s Corpse Will Remain Senator WASHINGTON — The freshly taxidermied corpse of Sen. Dianne Feinstein reported for work in the Senate Saturday. In her will, Feinstein stipulated that her cadaver continue to serve in the Senate for ...

The freshly taxidermied corpse of Sen. Dianne Feinstein reported for work in the Senate today.

Clarence Thomas Begins Selling Ad Space on Robes. Image of Thomas wearing robe featuring ads for Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A, Exxon Mobil, and a patch which says, "Your ad here, 202-479-3000"

Buttigieg Incredulous He's Expected to Address Train Derailment WASHINGTON — Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg on Thursday lashed out at critics of his non-response to the train derailment that released toxic chemicals in East Palestine, Ohio on Feb. 3....

“You don’t seriously expect me, a former corporate consultant, to take on railroad corporate interests, do you?” Buttigieg scoffed. “What’s next, am I supposed to regulate the airline industry too?”

ARTICLE:

Headline: Trump Hands Judge Self-Pardon on Happy Meal Box with Ad for Recent Film; Trump's Power to Pardon Ended Over Two Years Ago. Image: Super Mario Bros Movie-themed Happy Meal sits on judge's bench. Handwritten on the box: "I PARDON MYSELF FOR WHATEVER SLEEPY JOE SAYS I DID," signed by Donald Trump.

Dianne Feinstein Announces Retirement as Switchboard Operator WASHINGTON — Senator Dianne Feinstein announced Monday that she will soon retire from her role as a switchboard operator for the Bell Telephone System. The 89-year-old Democrat told confused reporte...

The 89-year-old told confused reporters at the Capitol that she felt it was time to finally fulfill her lifelong dream of running for Congress. “I have always wanted to try my hand at politics, and it feels like the right time now that my children are off to college.”

ARTICLE:

Map of US showing 40 million people in California are represented by 2 senators, whereas 40 million people in other states have 46 senators combined.

The situation is actually even worse than this graphic conveys; California currently only has one senator.

Clarence Thomas Accepts Hitler-themed Envelope Labeled 'Bribe' WASHINGTON — Justice Clarence Thomas was photographed accepting an envelope with an image of Adolph Hitler labeled “bribe” in front of the Supreme Court on Monday. In a statement, Thomas acknowl...

Chuck Schumer called for Thomas "to resign immediately, maybe, if he feels like it; no worries if not.”

ARTICLE:

Trump Slams Biden for Not Undoing His Rail Deregulation EAST PALESTINE, OHIO — Former President Donald Trump criticized President Joe Biden for failing to reverse the Trump administration’s railroad deregulation during a visit Wednesday to the eastern ...

“Sleepy Joe and Little Boy Pete should be ashamed of themselves for not reinstating the train brake rules that were rolled back by the previous administration,” Trump told puzzled reporters.

Full article: