Martin Kelner

Mad as hell, & I'm not going to take it any more. Plus Artie Shaw, and the genius of Ethan Hawke as Lorenz Hart in the film Blue Moon.. ...and Farage, the racism/anti-Semitism charge will stick. I'm confident Britain will not allow you to become Prime Minister.

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What's the point of it all? - Mortality, & memories of a colleague who died 25 years ago. And a hard candy Christmas. Kelner Prime content - arguably better than your lousy cup of coffee

This ones for prime subscribers, but there’s plenty of free stuff in there open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

Rachel Reeves (again), Third Reich (again), & the worst Chinese meal I've ever had... Happy Christmas!

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You heard it here first; Kemi triumph, new King Prince Charles conspiracy theory, the joy of Mark Watson, Larry David.... ...and Sutton Coldfield v Wilmslow, who'd win a posh-off

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Giddyup! This one's full of meaty goodness & free for everybody, with an invitation to subscribe to Martin's rewiring fund. Don't forget to do that before you set off on your Caribbean cruise. Plus the 'joys' of Great Yarmouth, and what it has in common with Shanghai...

Brand new Substack; fun fun fun till my daddy takes my T-bird away. open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

1960s pirate radio; jingles & Dora Dale's take. Also Michael Aspel, 92, Dick Van Dyke, nearly 100, but Brutus the Hippo, dead at 47 after a lifetime eating and fucking... plus eating cornflakes quietly in Norfolk, and killer impersonation of Terry Wogan

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Two Beatles fans talk about the new stuff. With Anthology 4 in the shops and Disney Plus trailing a new documentary to add to Peter Jackson's mammoth Beatles series already on the channel, have we had enough of the Mop Tops?

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Take a look at life with Kelner - into a world of villainy.. ...including Hitler (again), Mike Graham, a big Italian dog, and Naga Munchetty

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The irreplacable Groucho Marx makes a guest appearance on latest Kelner Prime podcast... From Horse Feathers (1932), the philosophy of ranters from Left and Right.

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Abba Voyage, the verdict, polycules, Trump's pompadour, and the day I bought a flick knife.. Plus the French had wild man Johnny Hallyday, we had Cliff!

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Reality TV - they aim for Robert De Niro, and settle for Tony Blackburn, plus feminist yodelling, Steve Martin, & Hitler's dog & how the BBC should respond to complaints..

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Stalking, Late night talk shows, Israel's army, George Formby's missus, & casualties in shop doorways Plus my memories of P.D.James, Phyllis to me, Baroness James to you...

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It's the same thing - horses shagging, Pinky & Perky living like pigs, and all that - but for those of you, esp Man City fans who like it with a bit of twang and sex!! Silence is an option but changing channels with the remote is not.

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6th November
Appearing @
The Great North Wood
3 Knights Hill
West Norwood
London #SE27 0HS
#comedy #standup #comedian #westnorwood

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Kelner extra! The tragedy of Hollywood kids, Kelner 'sings,' Marlene's many lovers, and do left wing males treat their partners worse than right wingers? Plus the genus of legendary award-nominated quiz How Old Cary Grant?

open.substack.com/pub/martinke.... Und Kelner ‘sings’!! Auf Deutsch!

Kelner extra! The tragedy of Hollywood kids, Kelner 'sings,' Marlene's many lovers, and do left wing males treat their partners worse than right wingers? Plus the genus of legendary award-nominated quiz How Old Cary Grant?

martinkelner.substack.com/p/the-traged... Why do so many progressive leftish figures, in favour of a fair society - Adlai Stevenson, Kennedys, George Orwell - treat their women like shit?

Prince Buster, George Galloway, & Wakefield's very own gorilla woman, a tribute to Jane Goodall & the very latest on the Nazi raccoons

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The Kennedys - America's royal family; ours meanwhile still in the mire! And blonde bombshells; Brigitte, Marilyn, & Nicole... Plus massive recruitment drive for full-fat subscription holders risks losing audience through boredom - but we have to give it a go, we don't have a collection box!

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Live from the King in Wakefield, the first annual Martin Kelner Prize Draw for outstanding achievement in the field of excellence. One 'lucky' paying customer wins a copy of the not quite best selling book Wrestling in Honey. 2nd Prize, 2... etc. etc.

Live from the King in Wakefield, the first annual Martin Kelner Prize Draw for outstanding achievement in the field of excellence.
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Screen Break - Kelner & Buckley unpick the Ryder Cup, & talk 'nudie films' of the '60s Plus 'words were never your strong point' says Observer columnist of his Guardian counterpart...

Screen Break - Kelner & Buckley unpick the Ryder Cup, & talk 'nudie films' of the '60s
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How to be a gentleman, Wakefield style How to hold an interesting conversation in the dry cleaner's shop

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Bing Crosby says 'Accentuate the Positive,' big tech says 'bollocks to that.' Plus the King of Camembert, Penn & Teller, & at least one half-decent joke

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Stalking, Late night talk shows, Israel's army, George Formby's missus, & casualties in shop doorways Plus my memories of P.D.James, Phyllis to me, Baroness James to you...

martinkelner.substack.com/p/stalking-l...

Morrissey's not doing panto this year, & Tameside's nippiest anaesthetist. Plus 1000 before I die is the latest target; and death to the Supreme Leader

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The value of investments can go down as well as up. But if you're the Queen Mother it probably doesn't matter that much.

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Argos, Alpaca in court case, Woody's worst films, & surveys - Stop asking us stuff, we don't know shit! Plus decaff oatmilk latte - the work of the devil. And Kelner bids to become cult leader

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