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Martin Kelner

@martinkelner.bsky.social

Substack & several of the other platforms. Greatest hits book Wrestling In Honey, available in no good bookshops

373 Followers  |  6 Following  |  131 Posts  |  Joined: 20.11.2024  |  1.819

Latest posts by martinkelner.bsky.social on Bluesky

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Mad as hell, & I'm not going to take it any more. Plus Artie Shaw, and the genius of Ethan Hawke as Lorenz Hart in the film Blue Moon.. ...and Farage, the racism/anti-Semitism charge will stick. I'm confident Britain will not allow you to become Prime Minister.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

04.12.2025 23:19 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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What's the point of it all? - Mortality, & memories of a colleague who died 25 years ago. And a hard candy Christmas. Kelner Prime content - arguably better than your lousy cup of coffee

This ones for prime subscribers, but there’s plenty of free stuff in there open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

03.12.2025 23:40 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Rachel Reeves (again), Third Reich (again), & the worst Chinese meal I've ever had... Happy Christmas!

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

01.12.2025 23:17 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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You heard it here first; Kemi triumph, new King Prince Charles conspiracy theory, the joy of Mark Watson, Larry David.... ...and Sutton Coldfield v Wilmslow, who'd win a posh-off

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

29.11.2025 22:29 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Giddyup! This one's full of meaty goodness & free for everybody, with an invitation to subscribe to Martin's rewiring fund. Don't forget to do that before you set off on your Caribbean cruise. Plus the 'joys' of Great Yarmouth, and what it has in common with Shanghai...

Brand new Substack; fun fun fun till my daddy takes my T-bird away. open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

25.11.2025 22:35 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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1960s pirate radio; jingles & Dora Dale's take. Also Michael Aspel, 92, Dick Van Dyke, nearly 100, but Brutus the Hippo, dead at 47 after a lifetime eating and fucking... plus eating cornflakes quietly in Norfolk, and killer impersonation of Terry Wogan

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

24.11.2025 10:48 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Two Beatles fans talk about the new stuff. With Anthology 4 in the shops and Disney Plus trailing a new documentary to add to Peter Jackson's mammoth Beatles series already on the channel, have we had enough of the Mop Tops?

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23.11.2025 22:50 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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21.11.2025 22:47 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Take a look at life with Kelner - into a world of villainy.. ...including Hitler (again), Mike Graham, a big Italian dog, and Naga Munchetty

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

20.11.2025 11:59 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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The irreplacable Groucho Marx makes a guest appearance on latest Kelner Prime podcast... From Horse Feathers (1932), the philosophy of ranters from Left and Right.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

16.11.2025 19:01 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Abba Voyage, the verdict, polycules, Trump's pompadour, and the day I bought a flick knife.. Plus the French had wild man Johnny Hallyday, we had Cliff!

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

14.11.2025 21:58 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Reality TV - they aim for Robert De Niro, and settle for Tony Blackburn, plus feminist yodelling, Steve Martin, & Hitler's dog & how the BBC should respond to complaints..

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

11.11.2025 22:38 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Stalking, Late night talk shows, Israel's army, George Formby's missus, & casualties in shop doorways Plus my memories of P.D.James, Phyllis to me, Baroness James to you...

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

09.11.2025 17:06 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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It's the same thing - horses shagging, Pinky & Perky living like pigs, and all that - but for those of you, esp Man City fans who like it with a bit of twang and sex!! Silence is an option but changing channels with the remote is not.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

09.11.2025 16:40 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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6th November
Appearing @
The Great North Wood
3 Knights Hill
West Norwood
London #SE27 0HS
#comedy #standup #comedian #westnorwood

05.11.2025 21:46 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Subscribe. It’s free. open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

06.11.2025 21:57 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Kelner extra! The tragedy of Hollywood kids, Kelner 'sings,' Marlene's many lovers, and do left wing males treat their partners worse than right wingers? Plus the genus of legendary award-nominated quiz How Old Cary Grant?

open.substack.com/pub/martinke.... Und Kelner β€˜sings’!! Auf Deutsch!

05.11.2025 19:24 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Kelner extra! The tragedy of Hollywood kids, Kelner 'sings,' Marlene's many lovers, and do left wing males treat their partners worse than right wingers? Plus the genus of legendary award-nominated quiz How Old Cary Grant?

martinkelner.substack.com/p/the-traged... Why do so many progressive leftish figures, in favour of a fair society - Adlai Stevenson, Kennedys, George Orwell - treat their women like shit?

04.11.2025 19:15 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Prince Buster, George Galloway, & Wakefield's very own gorilla woman, a tribute to Jane Goodall & the very latest on the Nazi raccoons

martinkelner.substack.com/p/prince-bus...

03.11.2025 22:19 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

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02.11.2025 22:48 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

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01.11.2025 12:00 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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The Kennedys - America's royal family; ours meanwhile still in the mire! And blonde bombshells; Brigitte, Marilyn, & Nicole... Plus massive recruitment drive for full-fat subscription holders risks losing audience through boredom - but we have to give it a go, we don't have a collection box!

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

28.10.2025 22:03 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Live from the King in Wakefield, the first annual Martin Kelner Prize Draw for outstanding achievement in the field of excellence. One 'lucky' paying customer wins a copy of the not quite best selling book Wrestling in Honey. 2nd Prize, 2... etc. etc.

Live from the King in Wakefield, the first annual Martin Kelner Prize Draw for outstanding achievement in the field of excellence.
open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

30.09.2025 12:47 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Screen Break - Kelner & Buckley unpick the Ryder Cup, & talk 'nudie films' of the '60s Plus 'words were never your strong point' says Observer columnist of his Guardian counterpart...

Screen Break - Kelner & Buckley unpick the Ryder Cup, & talk 'nudie films' of the '60s
open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

30.09.2025 12:40 β€” πŸ‘ 5    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0
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How to be a gentleman, Wakefield style How to hold an interesting conversation in the dry cleaner's shop

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

27.09.2025 15:05 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Bing Crosby says 'Accentuate the Positive,' big tech says 'bollocks to that.' Plus the King of Camembert, Penn & Teller, & at least one half-decent joke

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

26.09.2025 23:58 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Stalking, Late night talk shows, Israel's army, George Formby's missus, & casualties in shop doorways Plus my memories of P.D.James, Phyllis to me, Baroness James to you...

martinkelner.substack.com/p/stalking-l...

21.09.2025 16:03 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Morrissey's not doing panto this year, & Tameside's nippiest anaesthetist. Plus 1000 before I die is the latest target; and death to the Supreme Leader

martinkelner.substack.com/p/morrisseys...

17.09.2025 22:58 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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The value of investments can go down as well as up. But if you're the Queen Mother it probably doesn't matter that much.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

16.09.2025 19:29 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Argos, Alpaca in court case, Woody's worst films, & surveys - Stop asking us stuff, we don't know shit! Plus decaff oatmilk latte - the work of the devil. And Kelner bids to become cult leader

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

12.09.2025 23:15 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

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