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Martin Kelner

@martinkelner.bsky.social

Substack & several of the other platforms. Greatest hits book Wrestling In Honey, available in no good bookshops

387 Followers  |  9 Following  |  174 Posts  |  Joined: 20.11.2024
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Posts by Martin Kelner (@martinkelner.bsky.social)

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Operation Epic Fury, Condom Full of Walnuts, ITV's Chris Choi, & Mr Nobody for the Oscar And the 'snaggle-toothed breast whisperer.'

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

02.03.2026 16:13 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Mrs Murton before she was Mrs Merton. A tale of TV It's not so much who you know or what you know, but being where you are at the right time

substack.com/@martinkelne.... Genius!

02.03.2026 11:11 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Operation Epic Fury, Condom Full of Walnuts, ITV's Chris Choi, & Mr Nobody for the Oscar And the 'snaggle-toothed breast whisperer.'

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

01.03.2026 22:39 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Mr Nobody Against Putin, Who wants to live forever, the joy of Nottingham, & Tony Blackburn's wild parties Once again Kelner 'mixes witty conversation, satire, and quirky observations on current events,' according to Chat GPT. And this time it's for free!

open.substack.com/pub/martinke.... After BAFTA win, a genuine contender for the doco Oscar. Hope it wins, but suspect the excellent Pavel Talankin might want not to be among those present!

01.03.2026 17:55 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

They’re showing Who Do You Do on Talking Pictures. It’s mostly terrible but somewhat redeemed by this chap doing Groucho Marx

01.03.2026 00:22 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Mr Nobody Against Putin, Who wants to live forever, the joy of Nottingham, & Tony Blackburn's wild parties Once again Kelner 'mixes witty conversation, satire, and quirky observations on current events,' according to Chat GPT. And this time it's for free!

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

28.02.2026 11:43 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Who was El Mencho, the latest from Cuba, Funfair guy in headbutt horror, & small dogs in bootees in Japan plus a selection of fine jokes expertly ruined

substack.com/@martinkelne...

26.02.2026 15:53 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Hello joke fans, here's an interview I did with the late great Barry Cryer Because the magnificent, cherishable Barry Cryer came from Leeds I interviewed him several times on our local radio.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

23.02.2026 21:17 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 1
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My Summer of Love, Sex Dungeons, & Hot Priests Plus Supreme Leader of Iran not that supreme, it appears, & god bless Albo, Australia's new Les Patterson, & triumph for Hull in rugby league world champs & BAFTAs!

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23.02.2026 18:52 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Dolly, Jimmy, Lucy, Nigella, & the Disappointment of Lobsters... Plus chick peas - they're crafty, they hide

open.substack.com/pub/martinke.... An old pod I did about Dolly Parton & Jimmy Savile suddenly getting a lot of traffic. There’s loads of free stuff here martinkelner.substack.com

22.02.2026 09:38 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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The mystery of doughnutting (not teabagging), the joy of Seinfeld, & don't give your kid a potato masher Plus twin scourges: Fake Viagra, & the Eurovision Song Contest

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

19.02.2026 18:13 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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The mystery of doughnutting (not teabagging), the joy of Seinfeld, & don't give your kid a potato masher Plus twin scourges: Fake Viagra, & the Eurovision Song Contest

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

19.02.2026 18:13 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Ready, Steady, Go! Back '60s style with a Rita Tushingham of a podcast! Including the perfect bacon sandwich, and too much winter sports, what are we, for goodness sake, Norwegians??.... Plus...Watch out Germans, cannabis culture,

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

16.02.2026 17:51 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
Post image Post image Post image Post image

martinkelner.substack.com/p/ennio-morr... Headless Clint, 'tribute' to Ennio Morricone, plus Netflix Lucy Letby doco - at the very least reasonable doubt, & where to avoid the hotel buffet! Also, the joy of Burnley. It's free. Subscribe now!

08.02.2026 18:06 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0
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Liz Kershaw on Bruno's big knockers, the Savile story, Vera Lynn & Gracie Fields spat (one for the teenagers), Carol Vorderman, & latest on brother Andy.. Plus Eamonn, GB News, & having opinions

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

07.02.2026 00:00 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Liz Kershaw on Bruno's big knockers, the Savile story, Vera Lynn & Gracie Fields spat (one for the teenagers), Carol Vorderman, & latest on brother Andy.. Plus Eamonn, GB News, & having opinions

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

04.02.2026 13:43 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Starmer's Chinese meal, Mandelson turns out to be a bit of a slimeball (who guessed?), & Liberace's dead! It's one big glorious happenstance

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03.02.2026 20:44 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Ever wondered what a 'knacker woman'does? Not necessarily what you think. Plus Nazi eagle, the axis of evil.... ...and the piano-playing octopus

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

30.01.2026 09:37 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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More on Jimmy and Dolly and what they share, plus bananas & masturbation and other important matters And the politics of the high street

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

28.01.2026 11:14 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Dolly, Jimmy, Lucy, Nigella, & the Disappointment of Lobsters... Plus chick peas - they're crafty, they hide

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

25.01.2026 19:34 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Exclusive! For Kelner Prime customers, audio gold - previously unheard Dora Dale on the Walk Of Shame, & father & daughter on human composting... Plus, the perils of Grok, the rise and rise of salad, & the smashing of a two-door Opel Corsa

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

21.01.2026 14:26 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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We have a winner! The not altogether eagerly awaited prize draw for January has been conducted, & Denis wins a copy of my not entirely best-selling book.... Yes, an email has gone off to Brummy Denis, a fully paid-up member of our VIP coterie since August 2025, and once I have Denis's postal address this historic volume will be despatched. Tarara bit!

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

19.01.2026 22:34 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Hey, love highly processed food? LNER buffets have a real treat for you....plus, psychics, we know it's sh*t, but how do they do it? ...and the weight loss food scam, & don't get in a cage with a black leopard.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

18.01.2026 22:42 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Hey, love highly processed food? LNER buffets have a real treat for you....plus, psychics, we know it's sh*t, but how do they do it? ...and the weight loss food scam, & don't get in a cage with a black leopard.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

18.01.2026 19:59 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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The nation staggers under a surfeit of Winkleman, Sumo's no place for a woman, & the most disturbing crime story of the year so far plus Russell & Bromley goes under, & there's more exclusive audio for our paying customers

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

16.01.2026 17:21 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Martin’s Substack | Martin Kelner | Substack All the news that's fit to print, and quite a lot that isn't. Holder of several awards, and winner of a selection box of Shippams' fish paste from the Daily Express, but it's the Legion d'Honneur I'm...

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

15.01.2026 14:37 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Jon Pertwee's widow, Stephane Grappelli, gay monkeys, & the answer to everything...it's Prime Kelner Also exclusive audio remembering the golden days of the Piss Poor Podcast

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

13.01.2026 21:58 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Benidorm, More on Marty, and is Three Amigos a better film than Citizen Kane? Enjoy yourself, it's free! Now might be the time to upgrade. Consider it. And bad news - failed to find the classic clip of the Piss Poor Podcast. That'll be for Kelner Prime customers later in the week...

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

12.01.2026 10:51 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
Post image 11.01.2026 22:39 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Ray Conniff, no snogging, and shameless plugging! This is complimentary, a little like the spa in the overpriced Coniston Hotel, Yorkshire, i.e pointless, so feel free to ignore.

open.substack.com/pub/martinke...

05.01.2026 23:29 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0