Jakers

What about crab raisin cookies? Would that be worse than both or somewhere in between?

It’s holding his skull together.

Imagine the sound of a basketball made of lunchmeat coming undone.

If Stand By Me were released today it would take place in 1999.

The type of guy who will dispose of a body for you in the dead of night and jovially insist you don’t have to pay.

Not anymore you don't.

Prolly a dumb question but does this increase the likelihood of direct Russian involvement?

💯 They can make me train my replacement but they can’t make me pay their salary.

I take this as a sign he sees his waning influence and didn’t want to risk demonstrating it by picking someone before the primary.

Golden age of epistemological trespassing

Malamanteau

This article reads like an XKCD. xkcd.com/739/

“Controversial practice of showering with a hairdryer”

Ok hear me out: “Dude Where’s My Car” but it’s Tuberville and Markwayne. They’re too stupid to remember where they parked and go on hilarious misadventures to find it. Also racism.

The car is, of course, the General Lee.

The Thing is having regrets as to where it landed.

Imagine what his hair will look like when he's wearing an orange jumpsuit.

Who know better and/or will step up and say better. Which at this point what’s the fuckin difference?

Is your friend, that Thewind kid, coming with? Forget his first name.

You mean Dustin?

What do the proportions of the boxes represent? There has to be a story there.

The whole "librull media" argument now makes even less sense than ever, though I'm not sure that'll stop it.

Was it in a martini glass? Was there garnish?

Etsy embroidery "Live through the ditches, Laugh through the witches, Love in the back of my Dragula"

I'm going to interview the linear regression formula in an Excel before I move it to the trash.

I'd like to see him and Tuberville play checkers.

Bush Finds Error In Fermilab Calculations BATAVIA, IL–President Bush met with members of the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory research team Monday to discuss a mathematical error he recently discovered in the famed laboratory’s "Improved...

This may have been my favorite Onion takedown of GWB for its corpse-dry sarcasm. GWB is an intellectual compared to him. theonion.com/bush-finds-e...

Should be safe to wash down another blizzard with a Four-Loco by now.

Does he *claim* to be in compliance with the ruling or is this an overt (not just subtle) “fuck you, make me?”

Account suspended

Saw one happen In the wild!

I'm going to need the day off work so I can smoke cigarettes and smile.

My kid has the same shirt and it’s his favorite. That dead-eyed beaver.

Some brave reporter should ask Trump if he's considered bringing in Obama to help with the negotiating.

Most of us would be put on PIPs for less.