Seasay

Ah I’m feeling a bit better now that I’ve eaten something. Also i don’t know if I can really call it poetry as much as it’s just me typing out my feelings and then just kinda finding a weird rhythm in it as I go 😅 but thank you anyhow 🫂💕 it’s very nice to hear that

You know the seasonal depression is hitting you when you haven’t been able to bring yourself to eat anything and instead are just laying in your bed writing like 500 words of cringy angst poetry about your friendships falling apart without your control

Kinda fucked how like one instance of incredibly passive aggressive rejection can just utterly obliterate any type of self confidence you’ve managed to painstakingly accumulate, so now you’re second guessing everything you do again…clearly the punishment I deserve for the crime of being annoying

Trying to make jokes in a server you’ve joined relatively recently to maybe talk to someone people but getting zero responses for a few hours so the social anxiety kicks in and you delete the message thinking you were stupid for even trying in the first place

God I hate having a fever, I have a cold why the fuck are my eyes hurting

Can’t believe I went on my first out of country vacation trip on my own in years and ended up getting crystal illness (Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo) (I know it’s not called crystal illness in English I’m directly translating from Swedish, but crystal illness sounds funnier)

Like what the fuck did they expect me to say about it if they asked even, like I would have just said, ”sure I’ll get to it as soon as I can”, but nah instead do it on your own and then complain that I haven’t done it, like come on, it’s not on my schedule, I do it when it’s needed, so just ask me

Kinda frustrating to hear about how one of my coworkers complained that she had to perform a task that’s usually expected of me to perform, when I wasn’t aware that it had to be done and the obvious solution for me to do it would be to ask me to do it and then I would have

Actually very gratifying to be asked to yap on a bit about a thing you love and why you like it, by a person who didn’t think it was something they would enjoy and have them say that you make the thing sound very interesting

Always so surprised when I all of a sudden experience symptoms of depression, an illness I’ve had for 10+ years and have been taking medication for about as long, like that can’t be allowed right

Kinda sucks when your anxiety’s real awful because I would rather stare at my phone then get stuck in the fucking self hatred spiral that’s ongoing in my brain when I’m just trying to sleep

Considering the aforementioned bad feelings I’m experiencing, there’s clearly only one thing for me to do (go re-read Erha about it)

Well, I currently feel utterly awful and like I should go crawl into my room and never exit to bother another human being ever again,

It’s that time of year once more, where I’m on the train station and easily spotting other people on the platform that’s traveling to the exact same event I’m going to because we all have a very similar vibe

Quite the exponential growth since I first fell into this hole back in January

A white IKEA bookshelf stuffed full to the brim with books and a few other objects, the majority of the books are Danmei of various different series

A singel shelf full of books

Further update on my current hyper fixation status and its eeh, I’m running out of shelf space (not all of the books were purchased by me, a good few have been brought by my mother, for her own reading, we are kinda sharing the collection though)

A pair of black over ear headphones, visibly dirty. The speaker on the right is unstuck from its fastening to the head band base, having swivel facing down, the left speaker is facing upwards, the left ear cushion is repaired with blue thread

They lasted me some five years but my headphones are now for sure dead (the like colored thread is from where I had to re-stitch the like fabric by hand after the seam came undone a few times)

Well I did it again somehow, (blasted myself through the entirety of the newest volume of Erha on the same day I received it, after work as well)

Update: I got spoiled for the colored interior illustration 🥲 (on YouTube though, not Twitter)

Josh from Drake and Josh is labeled "Fanfic Writers" Josh: I do not control the speed at which my fics are written.

my eternal struggle

I know it came out like yesterday technically and it’s a book that’s getting imported, but for volume 8 they did receive and ship it to me the day before the official release so I got it on the same day it released that time and I’m slightly peeved that’s not what I’m getting this time

Can’t believe that the thing that’s actually getting my to stay of Twitter for a prolonged period of time is because I’m deathly afraid to get any of the new Erha illustrations spoiled to me and the bookstore I pre-ordered the book from is taking its sweet time delivering it to me

Walked up a slight incline on my way home yesterday and ended up tripping and banging my elbow hard in the asphalt as I fell and now my arm sure be hurting 🥲

They were not fucking joking, the deeply emotionally scarring and sad book got hands (I’m on volume 3)

Me, utterly naive concerning what I’m about to inflict upon myself: “man now that Yuwu is fully published in the official translation I should give it a read finally”

I mean I know why, those shelves are in the kids/young adult sections and the books are light, shout out to that one kid yesterday who completely wrecked the entire kids manga shelf sending half the contents to the floor right infront of me and only seemed slightly ashamed to

I keep thinking of the sisyphsian battle I keep engaging with trying to keep the manga shelves at my work place looking neat. I don’t know why people just have no concept of putting the books with huge numbers on the spines back in the order they were shelved

Genuinely a fun and enjoyable time for me, I love to yapp for prolonged periods of time

Fun time dragging one of my friends to the cinema to celebrate my Birthday and she ran out of time to see the first movie that we were seeing the sequel to so a good portion of dinner was taken up by me summarizing all the important stuff that happened in movie 1

I got some new books for my birthday presents and man comparing and contrasting my bookshelf from like two months ago, you tell I went full blast on a new special interest