meg

cheese and crackers is so goated. humanity snapped when we invented cheese and crackers

a fully loaded baked potato that is caffeinated could fix me

when you ask someone how they're doing and they say "can't complain" ???? girl I can

Casino food sucks AND it’s insanely expensive now

well well well

Bro what the FUCK is this

I think I’m in the wrong career. I shouldn’t work on ads. I should be a psychic on a ghost hunting show.

typos are just a symptom of having a brain so smart it can outpace your fingers… in many cultures they’re a sign of great wisdom…

@sazzafrazzle.bsky.social orange alert

Taking a 6 week vacation as a tantrum to protect my favorite pedophiles 🥰

Chief wife guy!!

Booooooooooo

Right because disclosing the names of the predators is what will re-traumatize survivors instead of the whole coverup lol

tim robinson crying in a car: i dont know what any of this shit is and im scared

opening my work laptop after 10 days off

Let’s put this to bed.

Jeez, and I can’t stress this enough, Louise.

being slowly digested by a snake would fix me

*20 minutes of silence in the safari jeep*

Me: “being a termite sounds really peaceful.”

Everyone else: 👀👀

not to brag but the optometrist says i still gots it (slight astigmatism)

need a support group for writers who hate word games

Sloth Thinking Of Maybe Hanging From Tree For Another 80 Hours

Sloth Thinking Of Maybe Hanging From Tree For Another 80 Hours
http://theonion.com/...

no one who has traveled sufficiently around the world can conclude that the US is the “greatest country in the world”.

labubus are propaganda I'm not falling for. hideous little things that will not see the gates of heaven

Sometimes people ask me if I like kids and all I can say is every time I see a kid I feel like I've just encountered a mysterious demon

A lot of people get offended when you call the US evil but then I remember that I hear and read about “school lunch debt” which is a phrase that shouldn’t even exist.

These days every single time I learn about a new guy he’s the most horrible little worm imaginable, who wants to kill millions of people. I want go back to learning about a guy who’s formed a surprising bond with a Canada goose or something like that

Hard to take seriously the red-white-and-blue rhetoric of freedom on a 4th of July where the US president has cut off aid to a democracy fighting for its independence against ferocious attack by a foreign tyrant.

A male lion smells something stinky

A female lion in the grass

A zebra standing in a field of grass

An elephant by a mud puddle

I’M RICH

Immaterial compared to the lives we’ll be able to destroy!

the older I get and the hotter the days become, the more I understand why there are so many paintings of reclining nude people