Cynda

mogi all day keeps the dysphoria away

at least online i can be treated as an equal, nobody says it but everyone that meets me irl inevitably sees me as an object of pity, something who makes you a better person by being nice to, but not someone who can ever have a normal life like you

i will never be able to happily exist in the real world, every part of my body is incorrect and/or just doesnt work, better to just live on the internet where people dont ever get to see some other person that isnt me. i wish i could upload my consciousness to my computer and leave this body behind

had electrolysis consult today, it's just a tiny little room but the lady seems nice, will be starting next week. she looked at my face and said yea you can't do laser with that color good thing you came here lol

got a bluetooth adapter for my car so i can listen to spotify instead of the radio and my quality of life has instantly increased by 200%

ok i finally found the courage to scroll far enough in my phone gallery to look at my prehrt pic and i cannot in good faith delude myself that it's doing nothing anymore, this should keep the doomer brainworms away for at least 1 week

this year i want to make a video with all of my mk memories in it, i have been around the community for so long and feel like i just want to show how special it is to me in my own way

i never really appreciated just how long it takes to grow ur hair out until now this shit takes forever

YouTube video by 100 gecs 100 gecs - Dumbest girl alive {OFFICIAL VIDEO}

me not figuring myself out by 18 and causing 24yr old me unspeakable amounts of self hatred
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXrb...

i feel like my trained voice is pretty cute now but i am wayyy too wormed to use it anywhere lol, only like 2 or 3 ppl have heard it cuz i still just want it to be perfect. im not sure how much better i can get it without using it constantly atp though so maybe i just have to deal with it soon

a cat is standing on its hind legs in front of an orange litter box . ALT: a cat is standing on its hind legs in front of an orange litter box .

march 4th

seeing photos with myself in them is also the worst too cuz that just makes me spiral for like an hour but i feel like i cant just not take them with people when they ask at these kinds of events :(

catalyst was super fun but holy shit my dysphoria is so bad now i felt like shit just physically existing around anyone and them seeing "me" just had me feeling like "im sorry you have to see this" the entire weekend i live in my own personal hell

i hope i never see u in the green ever again i hate u

i wonder what war crimes i committed in a previous life to deserve a body this fucked up bc holy shit man i wish this shit on no one

sometimes i'll casually mention a part of it to someone as part of a larger convo without going into detail and theyll just stop in their tracks and be like wtf and thats when i get reminded that most of this stuff is not normal to other people

a lot of the shit i went thru as a child is horrifying but its also so completely unrelatable to the average person that all they can really say in response is "oh that's horrible i'm so sorry :(" so i spare them the grief and myself the same conversation for the 50th time and dont tell them win/win

if boymoding on hrt stops working idk what im gonna do cuz my social anxiety is an order of magnitude worse than my social dysphoria so i might actually just end up looking like the b♂y hoodie girl irl

ngl now that i think about it i think n=m for most people probably, a and b values might be more important

how to find my n and m values

after catalyst i need to make an electrolysis consult appt ive been trolling waiting this long

im pretty much over world atp, i'll play a little this week for catalyst then probably just not play for a while since i have no desire to

seeing ftms doompost about how they will never pass because they're 5'4 or whatever has me wondering if anyone has ever mistakenly thought i'm ftm as a 5'1 "guy"

emotional changes expected outcome: finally become able to cry
emotional changes actual outcome: become completely convinced that i need to kill myself immediately whenever i play bad in mario kart

look into the mirror and think damn this boymoding shit might not work for much longer then i look at a pic of myself taken at a slight angle and see the asu frat leader that brutally framemogged clavicular

2026 is the wiimmfi grind era, i have a good group to play wars with actively now and pretty much nothing keeping me on world anymore, been having a lot of fun
let's see how fast i can improve, the passion is there and i wanna get really good, havent felt like this since mk8dx

the sound of mario 64 speedruns playing in your headphones is proven to increase productivity by 200%

YouTube video by SchwartZero Trails in the Sky SC - Joshua and Estelle Reunited

need some1 to hard read me as much as she does here www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rFs...

got to experience what having an irl friend is like for a weekend and i must say it was nice to feel like a real person for a while

found out one of the top ffs surgeons is located near me, i really need to get all of my finances sorted out so i can start saving up for it cuz i think i've figured out what will need some more help to be fixed atp