snaildaddy 🐌💦

People think I’m insane because I loudly overshare about my dope ass vintage toaster but I really do think it’s sad that people have been so complicit in allowing tech companies to make shittier and shittier garbage every year, they forgot that the market once used to care about our quality of life

We all vanish eventually

This was the geocentric Crusaders’ equivalent of the dat boi meme

Elon Musk makes 🍔1,000,000 Hungie Points every single day & dude definitely isn’t that hungie. We should probably give his Hungie Points away

As a society we wouldn’t put up with as much bullshit if money was instead called Hungie Points and the dollar sign was replaced with the 🍔 emoji

Remember guys, bullies never win; they only appear to win and live under material circumstances indistinguishable from those of a winner

We’d prefer daddy thank you

I have 16 terabytes of pictures of my boss making dumb faces

The movie Mind Game tbh

I’m doing something objectively cool and most people don’t give a shit. But as long as it’s cool to you that’s all that matters

Shit’s getting dark but rest assured slice of cheese from the fridge has got your back. They can never take slice of cheese from the fridge from us

too femme to be bear
too masc to be twink
Schrödinger’s faggot, if you will

Funko pops and similar collectible trinkets are not cutesy and quirky, they’re fucking dystopian derivative land waste and they’re destroying the planet

Sometimes I'll just make thumbnail graphics for YouTube videos that don't exist.

Rolling up to the playdate with one of these

All I’m saying is Macaulay Culkin had a clear shot at him and didn’t take it

My communism keeps hallucinating about privatized medicine

Starving my entire family because these spinners didn’t pay for themselves

i'm not deranged. i'm very ranged actually

Food Fast Food Furious

Pepsi Man is looking more and more like the reality we’re living in

StimTitty “baWonkadonk”
Shat-lo mein

This whole Chef Boyardee thing just doesn’t add up.
How could he be a real chef?

The Sisyphean task of rolling my fat ass up the hill forever

That was my idea you bastard

Nah ben shapiro’s sister

I wish that every burrito you eat for the rest of your life bursts out the back when you bite it

Lord Tiktok’s neck has been spared, for now. Best secure his blessing whilst you still can

Jimmy Carter’s gonads are decomposing as we speak. What a special time we’re living in

Me speaking French: Nutte sac