Dougal D'Arcy

Let's see what people are saying about me going on strike ... oh

I couldn't believe my Mum lied to me as a child when I found out Auntie Maureen, Auntie Gwen and Aunt Nesta weren't my blood relatives

I didn't have Rupert Lowe attacking Sarah Pochin for being woke on my bingo card this weekend

The media always gets this wrong. He did not escape nor abscond but was wrongly released. He is now unlawfully at large

When you When you
know know
your shit you're shit

I take zooms pacing back and forth like a caged lion ...

"Could you sit down, Mr Dillon .."

"We'd like to do it but we can't," isn't the right response to this abomination

Surprised to see Lee Anderson calling for fighting-aged men from foreign countries to be let into the country ...

"When he lies, he speaks his native language"

Be fair. She's probably a bit short of cash since buying that house

"Taking a break from X to prioritise my mental health."

Who keeps feeding him this twaddle?

"I said no matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity. What did I say Dougie?"

"You said, 'they can't take away my yacht can they?'"

To avoid confusion can I stress the breaking news 👇 is about another guy ...

Can't they get their money back from China?

Getting a $20bn bailout from the US is one way of coping with pain I suppose

After taking this test I expect to be deported tomorrow

Lee Anderson in Terminator 9: Rise of the Gits

Tom is currently interviewing himself

Last of the Summer Wine reboot looks a bit crap

Last of the Summer Wine reboot looks a bit crap

"Nurse! Tim Stanley is calling Kemi Badenoch 'Mummy' again!"

"Gollocks"

Robert Jenrick delivering his conference speech ..

Well, well, well if it isn't our old friend reality smacking them in the chops