Lucy Fishwife 🥐

We’ve had three pee-on-the-floor issues and only one was canine

We do get a few of those too but tbf they’re better than MUMMEEEE I AM BORRRRRRED

Just had customer in browsing for about half an hour and it is a CREDIT to her dog-owning skills that I didn’t even realise she had a dog with her until it gave a very polite quiet yap to remind her it was getting bored

It’s an anagram of goon, after all

It’s “I fucked up!!!” Wall-E

I read it every December like I read Night In The Lonesome October every October

“Flonkerende” 😍

(I mean he’s still alive, so he has that going for him)

My terrible hot unreliable college French boyfriend looked exactly like Alain Delon. I looked him up recently. He has aged… not as well as Alain Delon

Never do I feel more of a stereotypical bookshop person as I do when I accidentally get tuna mayo on a Harper Collins invoice

a man in a suit and tie stands behind a podium that says oh huzzah snl Alt: a man in a suit and tie stands behind a podium that says oh huzzah

Today’s look: ugh this again
Today’s perfume: mm this again
Today’s earworm: 20/20
Today’s mood:

Screamlets

SAME

Last Christmas Ich gave thee myne hearte
But the verye next daye ther came a wolf,
Wyth sinews of whispers - quiet as frost -
And the wolf stole myne hearte, fled
To a tower out of tyme biyonde all the stars.
Seek now myne hearte,
Return it within a yeare and a daye:
Thys ys thy queste

Exclusive: How a food bank siphoned £195,000 into private hands The Post can reveal that the Serious Fraud Office is now investigating Knowsley Foodbank

Absolute shocker. We work with the group mentioned. Am setting up a donation account to get them some nice things for Christmas - please go to @alchemickitchen.bsky.social for the details if you’d like to help. We’ll be donating fruit & veg from Queen of Greens. www.livpost.co.uk/exclusive-ho...

ODYSSEUS: wife I am home after 20 years
PENELOPE: oh shit I mean honey you are home how wonderful
ODYSSEUS: who are all these strange men
PENELOPE: well, I'll tell you what they're definitely not, which is a 300 person polycule ruling in your absence

“Do you have to have read every book in the shop??”

yes clearly 24 hours of the day I am poring over Noddy, some Stalingrad shiz, the driving test handbook, and the latest Jeremy Clarkson

un petit cinq à sept
*winks louchely*

OUR NUPTIALS SHALL BE THE STUFF OF LEGEND oh fuck I forgot we already had husbands. Affair?

How Lauren Sánchez Bezos is supporting organizations fighting homelessness with $102M in grants The Day 1 Families Fund, founded in 2018, will commit more than $102M in grant money directed to organizations helping homeless families.

Tell your husband to pay his taxes and his workers.

www.goodmorningamerica.com/culture/stor...

MARRY ME NOW

🤞 for you!

Had similar a few years ago: minor lump, immediate referral etc. It turned out to be nothing, but they were absolutely not letting it get away from them if they could help it. I felt HUGELY reassured by the whole sppedy thorough thing (hope this helpd)

bar code on a book with the title truncated to read DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF DICK

yes
next question

Platform announcer at Earls Court keeps playing snippets of Last Christmas over the tannoy, the evil genius.
On the plus side unless he feeds some Mariah in there I’m safe for now

My phone generated a photo album called like "loving memories" with a photo of me and my partner at dinner as the cover, and when I opened it it was just various pizzas I've eaten over the last few years with sentimental music.

The mere IDEA 😵‍💫

Wasabi anything has the same sneezy heat?