Colleen Barry

A black cat partially lying on his side and looking up at the camera. He’s on a white rug with multicolored stripes, and he’s next to the legs off an office chair.

Same cat, same rug, but now he’s flopped over on his back with the bottom of his chin pointed at the ceiling and he’s in the process of rolling around, so all his paws are at different angles.

Every afternoon my giant cat comes into my office and screams at me until I slap his haunches like he opened the beaches and let the little Kintner boy die.

Also sometimes you need to flatten the edge of a new rug or a very large spider.

Technically these are usage guides, but I like having physical dictionaries around too! M-W puts a big percentage of its product online, which is super handy, but the book sometimes has more than the site. Same is true for other dictionaries.

(Not pictured: two dictionaries that I also checked to see if they had a usage note.)

Two reference books on a desk. Both books are open to a page in the Ns with one stacked on top of the other.

Sometimes this is what goes into changing one word.

I would buy these so hard!

four white plastic muppet-style busts of dante, moliere, aristotle, and shakespeare, 3d printed in the style of the muppet christmas carol

GUYS

GUYS

MY BROTHER MADE ME THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL BUSTS

Eeeeh, this is what fast-forward is for.

Also, you know, he’s a predator and he should have to go find some boring job where he doesn’t have power over anybody, like 99% of the population.

This sounds like excerpts from a tedious conversation you were forced to endure when seated next to a talker on a long flight.

“What do you want for dinner?”
“Mashed potatoes.”

It’s the mask Jason Voorhees wears when he’s out in public and doesn’t want to be recognized.

A black cat perches on the arm of a couch and looks at me with a neutral expression.

Same cat, now giving me the stinkeye.

Before and after I told him that no one was going to roast a turkey today.

By day-after-Thanksgiving standards, this is basically climbing Everest.

Good idea! But eeeeehhhh, maybe l’ll start coaching tomorrow.

Seems like a tomorrow problem to me.

Ambitious!

All I’m doing today is watching Muppet movies.

remember: columbo isn't a cop. he's a fae with a strong sense of justice, who shows up to crimes and glamours people into thinking he's a cop.
that's why he doesn't carry a gun: the cold iron

I wasn’t familiar with this but I just looked up and: totally.

I would have *sworn* he was in the bedroom and would’ve had to walk past a roomful of people to get to the turkey, but somehow he materialized in the kitchen the moment everyone’s back was turned. Gotta hand it to him, it was impeccable work.

A black cat stares up menacingly.

Same cat, still glowering but now closer and with a paw out to whap my arm.

The unrepentant and handsome criminal demands seconds.

It all paid off!

At least there’s still SASP

It’s got way too much factor fexcectorn!

Had a real-life “dead dove, do not eat” moment when I thought, “Huh, I wonder what happens when you throw a blue shell while you’re in first place.”

He was so fast and so ambitious! Really gotta admire the execution.

The sweetest words a host can hear 5 seconds after everyone is out of their house: “I planned ahead and got Thanksgiving Lagavulin.”

We looked away for 5 seconds and my 16-pound cat made off with a chunk of turkey the size of his enormous head.

It turns out crime does pay, because that’s absolutely his turkey now.