Tom with a T

Hey. I didn’t see you this morning when we all went out for bottomless mimosas wait nevermind I figured out why.

Prolly cry

Feeling cute. Might start booing during opposing counsel’s closing arguments.

*Getting Ratatouilled but just by a regular rat so when he pulls my hair I just do rat things like chewing electrical cords and shitting in the pantry*

One must imagine the 3L happy.

What we’re really suffering from is generations of people who thought that if they weren’t book smart, then they must be street smart, and … honey… you’re neither actually.

Enby sibly thinks millennials will be able to retire (posted before looking at pic/bio)

Bro thinks millennials will be able to retire

And that exit needs to be at about the fortieth floor.

I wish Bluesky let you filter out keywords found in memes too. I want to log into this and not have the same stuff shoved down my throat as other social media…

What about energyhorn?

No. No. That’s just my Roman windmill flag.

What’s an ass shoe?

Because of the timtoks!

I prefer to envision as hard as I can that he doesn’t have anything to do with the science and technology of SpaceX. He’s just a cancerous growth siphoning money from them.

Honestly I think @bodegacats.bsky.social might be what I need to get through the next four years

Relishing in my smug vindication from never doing, reading, watching or enjoying anything in case it proves to be problematic.

In the next episode of Octonauts, the team descends in an OceanGate submarine!

Oral arguments are complete in the TikTok ban. Next week are the anal arguments.

Congress: “TikTok is stealing Americans’ data!”

President Xi, looking at my TikTok drafts: “Honestly never mind.”

Btw this is the image Bezos doesn’t want printed in his newspaper #freespeech

Why do millennials have anxiety?

(30 years ago)

Parents: okay. In this game you have to correctly sort 25 pegs properly before the game explodes on you

Kids: if we do it right it won’t explode?

Parents:

Parents: then this game you play a surgeon and if you mess up at all you get electrocuted

New year
Ew me

Why did the McAllister’s house have a dog door?

I actually only showed my kids the holiday special and nothing else.

Oh, you’re a people pleaser? Name one person who you’ve pleased.

Our best wishes are with every fox out there today trying to escape the hunts.

And a big fuck you to the cowards that are hunting these animals for kicks

Okay. Christmas is over. Time to put the Halloween decorations back up.

A collected edition of the works of the Brontë sisters, Folio Society.

The Full Brontë.