Reedy

I'm so sorry Dingo, that sounds awful. I hope you're able to get that fixed sooner than later :(

On top of it, these chest pains that keep coming around randomly are getting a little worrying. I think they might be stress induced but I don't know anymore. Maybe it's just part of the suffering that I need to endure. Who knows anymore. It feels like the walls are caving in more and more each day.

I just really hate the idea of having to wait so long for answers. The unknown scares me more than anything. I go to bed full of so much anxiety and fear, I've cried more lately than I think I have my entire life. I hate that I'm such a fucking selfish piece of shit. I feel like I deserve everything

Last sad boi post for a while:
I did start therapy earlier this week and it did help me see things I hadn't noticed before. I wish I had seen them sooner, maybe I could've prevented a lot of things from happening. I really don't know if anything is even fixable. It feels like it might be.

Also not a huge fan of the pain I've developed on the left side of my chest over the last 24 hours 🙃

My brain keeps bouncing back and forth between feeling so hopeful and so hopeless, from feeling like I'm in a good place to pulling thoughts from the worst reaches of my head. Hate not feeling like I'm in control of my life. I truly have no idea how I'm going to make it through the next 3 months 😣

I am confident things will change for the better eventually and that they'll go back to normal eventually. I know I could be super wrong but I do have a lot of hope, even if it means I have to suffer for the foreseeable future. Thank you to anyone that's reached out. It truly means a lot to me. ❤️

Lil update on the other day:

Days later and I am doing a bit better. I'm still suffering from regular panic attacks but my overall mood is getting better. Trying to take life one day at a time, even if it feels like it's shattering sometimes. Think this is one of the hardest times I've been through

I honestly really want to but I think for the most part those would also both be career-enders for me :(

I'm willing to give everything to fix everything but I'm just so scared that won't be enough now. I'm scared I've done too much damage, and I know that only time and consistency will tell but everything truly feels hopeless now. Like a nightmare that I'm living in daily and that I can't wake up from

I feel I've just ruined everything. Everything feels so wrong and I feel like such a huge fuck up. So many issues that could have been fixed had I just taken the time to realize that the problem has always been me, and now I'm about to lose what feels like everything I care about. I'm very not okay.

Honestly this is probably the lowest lows I've ever felt in my life. Entirely due to my choices, and things continue to get worse due to my choices. I'm making steps in the right direction but it doesn't matter when I make negative decisions that just make things significantly worse.

Feel like every step forward I just fuck everything up and take a large jump in the opposite direction. Feeling pretty hopeless and realizing I'm showing signs of a certain undiagnosed mental illness but I can't get diagnosed because it will end my career if I do.

I don't know what to do anymore :(

Taking life one day at a time, and starting to feel pretty okay. For the first time in a long time I don't feel any anxiety and my brain is quiet. Gotten a lot accomplished in terms of tasks and my mental health. Fixing my issues feels extremely within reach, and I hope good things are soon to come.

Just dealing with consequences and emotions that are just very hard to process and work through. Thank you, Angle ❤️

Thank you, Dingo. Hope you're doing well, miss ya

You ever just regret doing something SO bad and feel like there's nothing you can do about it and no matter how hard you try it might just not be fixable?

Cause I sure do 🥲

Russ_Money - Twitch A medium-sized creature with a good source of clown and duck emotes.

Checking out Necesse thanks to DareDrop

Live - settlement building and stuff
Playing: Necesse
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Anxiety's a bitch, man.

Marathoning the FEAR games this October, starting with the original of course!
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TheReedyRainbow - Twitch It me, Ree-Dee

Today I will continue and maybe finish Cry of Fear

Such a spooky game

Come watched me get SCARED
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TheReedyRainbow - How many monsters? 1...2...3... Watch TheReedyRainbow's clip titled

I also learned to count here

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TheReedyRainbow - So easy... Watch TheReedyRainbow's clip titled

Here's a clip of me getting absolutely humbled from today's stream:
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Twitch Twitch is the world

Cry of Fear :)
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Marvel Rivals finally added Daredevil, who is my favorite Marvel hero and nothing is more tragic than the realization that I am absolute dogshit trying to play as him

Aright Mr. Balatro, I'll play your games....

It's Balatro time!! Come hang.

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TheReedyRainbow - Twitch It me, Ree-Dee

Getting in the horror mood by playing Nightmare House for the first time!
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TheReedyRainbow - Twitch It me, Ree-Dee

Finishing Dying Light:
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TheReedyRainbow - Twitch It me, Ree-Dee

Secret Early Dying Light Stream
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