A Mouse By Any Other Name

[after 1 lil dose of reality]
pls, no more. ive had enough

Friends should anoint each other with fragrant oils for Christmas

The thick grey clouds weigh like a heavy blanket over the countryside

And I hate it

got a soda in my stocking from fanta claus

much like predatory humans, the mantis gets its victims to lower their guard by pretending to be religious

Face down, ass up, that's the way I lay in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs after tripping over a fucking cat.

Gift ideas for polyamorous people:
- harness or rope (for sex or rock climbing)
- a book about relationship psychology
- a diary for their schedule
- a medieval outfit for their next renfaire/sex party
- a bag for overnight dates
- D&D dice
- anything with an infinity heart on it

made soup from scratch but it tastes funny cuz i used laughing stock haha ha this isn’t even today’s worst i have more 😬

i love posting my thoughts online. now they're your problem.

at least tomorrow is friday

My gynecologist will never know the depths that I go to to make sure it all is presentable for our annual date.

I don’t have time to be dead

what i really want to know is whenaburger

Smashmouth would not be relevant these days if not for Shrek

I’m a perfectionist which doesn’t mean everything I do has to be perfect; it means nothing I do will ever be perfect.

Love them anyway.

I can’t control what people think about me and that’s okay. It’s okay to be misunderstood; not everyone in this world will understand you.

DISNEY: "OK, we are putting Jimmy Kimmel back on the air. You can resubscribe now."

ME: "I unsubscribed because you immorally bowed to fascism. I'm not going to resubscribe because you immorally bowed to finances."

I made Tylenol brownies and fed it to the whole neighborhood. Everybody’s getting autism now.

Jimmy Kimmel > Donald Trump

I swerved to avoid a buzzard enjoy his morning roadkill.
Carry on, enjoy your carrion.

The fact that there were so many rejoicing over the news, however false, should be alarming to them.

i’m gonna be drinking a lot tonight so please excuse me if i get a little silly (it’s just water, but who knows what could happen after my third glass)

I should be able to open a tab at the coffee shop.

Cats love cozy spaces

It pisses me off that gay people are hated mostly because of some poorly translated ancient outdated book full of other bullshit idiots base their entire lives on. Religion is a curse, man.

You can always have a little scream
as a treat.

Once again it is Free Starbucks day. Which is to say it’s my birthday.

if you're not supposed to pick scabs how come our fingernails fit so perfectly under their edges. you question god's design

I just don’t believe how any self respecting person could support Donald Trump after everything he’s done to them.