Grimking

Merry everything.

Let it Joe, let it Joe, let it Joe!

come get a surreal sandwich at Salvador's Delí

a silver pit bull puppy lays half in and half outside of his gray and black dog bed, which is propped up on its side. a lamb toy lays nearby as the little puppy snoozes soundly, totally unaware of the strange position he's ended up in.

This is Bandit. He fell asleep while getting out of bed. We've all been there. 12/10 sweet dreams buddy (u/yarntist)

wanna scare somebody with Punisher insignia all over their jeep? easy, just ask them to punish you. c'mon big boy, i wanna be punished. yeah not so tough anymore are ya?

Saying ‘let’s get this done before the holidays’ should be considered a hate crime.

A show set in Brooklyn in the 1970s with a charismatic, streetwise detective named Sodomy Smith.

A special holiday bukkake: you, twelve grandmas, and a blizzard of Christmas cookies.

Hahaha! Well done, you!

hey girl, are you hiring? cuz i would love to apply within.

Ok, ok! Come in! You’re letting the heat out!

IDK, being thrown under the bus sounds nice.

i like how people tell you to drive safely like you weren’t planning to but then you’re like ‘ok, fine’

Sorry I'm late. I met a dog.

Perfect office holiday party: bring your dog, host it at your house, tell absolutely no one.

He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him

Never apologize for treating your dog like a baby. In a world that forces you to be tough, having a creature that lets you be soft, nurturing, and vulnerable is a blessing. You are lucky if one loves you, you are luckier still if you love each other.

I bet Rudolph is sick of your shit too.

Lord, please give me the strength to be as relentless and petty as 50 Cent.

You should be able to get rich being silly online instead of being evil online, that would solve a lot of problems

If Thanksgiving taught me anything, it’s that I need an unimpeachable excuse to escape Christmas with family — medical, dramatic, or both.

My Elf on the Shelf told me he doesn’t do mornings, overhead lighting, or angles below the chin. Same, honestly.

My Elf on the Shelf isn’t watching me. He’s rehearsing. For what? Unclear. But there’s choreography.

You can tell the difference between “gay” and “guy” by the two D’s. Obviously.

a Se7en remake with justin timberlake would be a christmas movie

i could draw a sideways eight forever

ME: i’m going to jump in the shower real quick

WIFE: okay

[5 minutes later]

WIFE: hello 911 my husband jumped in the shower

it's illegal to drive stick without needlessly jiggling the shifter