Sean Philips

Pregnant women should not take acidmethamphetamine or their children may end up artistic.

Oh MTV, how we need you to bring back Celebrity Death Match, today.

Fucking hero status, unlocked.

These signs are real, and were posted in DFW Airport bathroom stalls, but it’s a epic level troll.

Those “cameras” are the self-flushing sensor. That phone number? Straight to Dan Patrick’s office.

To whomever posted these, you have my deepest respect.

Can you imagine being called a pedophile during the Super Bowl Halftime show?

That had to Hotline Sting.

You and I aren’t the same.

When you speak of “fantasy movies” you mean dragons and wizards and shit.

When I say “fantasy movies” I mean ones where the cops are good humans helping society.

The single most unifying event to happen to America in my lifetime was 9/11.

The second most unifying event was the vigilante assasination of a health insurance executive.

The people have spoken.

If a lifetime of drug use makes you find white Jesus, you’re taking the wrong drugs!

Th CEO of UnitedHealthcare, was fatally shot on the morning of December 4th.

Coincidentally enough, on December 5th, Anthem BCBS announced the reversal of its controversial policy to cap anesthesia coverage.

Violence isn’t usually the answer… but sometimes it is.

#denydefenddepose

Notification 1: So and so joined signal messenger

Notification 2: so and so sent what’s there name some money for 🔥/ ❄️ / 🍄 / 🪨 / 🎱

I’m all for ethical food consumption, but my tortilla chips shouldn’t be old enough to legally consent.

I’m talking to you, #velvettaco

If, I am ever assasinated, please don’t let my death be in vane. Make sure the video is uploaded on rotten.com

Sometimes, I wish I was a gorgeous woman, just so that I could refuse to sleep with any man who drives a #cybertruck

I propose that we hence forth stop referring to the Republican Party as “The Grand Old Party” and start referring to them as “The Diddy Party”. #mattgaetz