For some reason what I have in my head right now is someone doing a Johnny Carson impression saying "really big shoe" over and over.

So that's how my day is going.

I'm at an amateur pro wrestling show / metal concert at a punk bar in Portland, ME.

A guitarist wearing a shirt that says "eat pussy, it's great" just told us "thanks for being here, I just hope everyone makes some new friends"

I guess my only point is that Portland rules

In this room? I'd take it

At the end of dinner my dad started talking about how he remembers being a kid sitting at the adult table during Thanksgiving dinner, losing his mind with boredom about the adult conversation and I was like 👀

Would anyone like to talk about the weather?

Babies in the room, babies that aren't in the room, what we were like as babies, babies they saw on TikTok, hypothetical babies

I've been at this Thanksgiving for 5 hours and there have been about 2 sentences uttered that weren't about babies

As the only one at this Thanksgiving that isn't married with children, I may feel like a space alien here, but at least I've outdressed everyone in the room

Dinner with my parents is a useful reminder of how startlingly mid it can be to exist.

Some strange god fashioned this soul and this vessel to hold it. Not to pleasure it, not to torture it, but to serve it a lukewarm On the Border "ranchelada"