han 🍉🍉🍉

I don’t want to go back to work waugh

🖤🖤🖤

Been feeling a little out of sorts for too longnow. This gw i need to read, write, make something, and take a walk in nature

にじそのイラスト本の表紙です

The contrast is very funny though. My overachieving perfect cishet cousin was having a lavish gorgeous wedding yesterday while me, the queer otaku mf who never lived up to my family’s expectations, was taking photos of nowa papes and nowa cardboard cutouts LMAO

This whole weekend has been a huge reminder and relief because it’s clear even to me now that i have completely escaped that life, i’ve detached myself from that family both physically and mentally and built my own life here where i feel safe and content. Finally.

With a good friend yesterday and spending a quiet sunday on my own today recharging my social battery. Instead of attending a wedding and getting sneered at by a family that has fucked me over for too many years.

My mother has been spamming me with photos and pictures from the faamily’s first big wedding that i’m skipping out on bcs i don’t care about it and i am so pleased to realize that none of this bothers me anymore. If anything, i’m so so glad that i’m here with my own life, freely doing my hobbies

Had a random realization this morning that i spent my childhood, teenage, and young adult years waiting for results of hyper competitive school/university/scholarships and now as a full grown adult i’m still waiting for results of hyper competitive selection process but of concert/event tickets 😂

Got some work done, cleaned my apartment a little bit, cooked meals for the week, took a long hot shower and i finally feel like a human person again. But with a fever. 弱すぎ

Between handling a client that doesn’t really know what they want from us and a project manager who doesn’t care about this project enough to help me actually execute it…..i am just about this close to 🔪

予想はしてたけどまた体調崩したか
オレは弱すぎ

ピザ箱風

🐰🥚

今週も仕事頑張ります

I can’t justify my excessive spending on them though, i am aware that it’s bad and i am aware that i’m not doing anything to reduce it (i feel like i can’t, the dopamine rush is too addictive), but at least i’m not harming myself or anyone around me. I hope i can be forgiven at least

Through kzh and kne i have met some of the best people and had some of the most fun i’ve ever had in my life. Through them i’ve had a chance to practice kindness towards others around me despite my anger towards the world.

But blind rage is destructive, i know that first hand. Anger and frustration if not balanced with reminders of the small joys in life will only tear me apart from the inside

So i will keep my little hobbies and oshis and plastic merchandises that i carefully display in my room like treasures

In my anger i will keep reading up on historical and current injustices in the world. In my anger i will keep financially supporting resistance and survival whenever i can because i no longer have the courage to go down to the streets.

But i keep my anger. I feel that it’s essential or else i will turn into the cruel privileged kind like the clients that i accompanied onsite for a week and the parliament lady with a kind smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

Of my money on him because he’s one of the only few reasons i could still have fun and laugh in the midst of how bleak the world in general has become in recent years

While she prayed dhuhur and ashar i was catching up on kzh’s streams that i had downloaded before my flight. I thought about how just 5, 3, and 2 years ago i was in the streets protesting the injustices caused by the people in power like her. Now i watch some guy play video games and spend so much

She should never be able to afford on her supposedly humble civil servant salary. I couldn’t tell which one was worse, if the bracelet was fake but she was aware of the status it had in society, or if it was real and she had stolen more of the people’s money to buy it

I was reading a copy of the jakarta method when she told me she was going on a “work trip”. It’s a well known fact that parliament members spend the people’s tax money on these lavish vacations concealed as “work trips”. She smiled and spoke kindly but she had on her wrist a van cleef bracelet that

Cruelty of my client’s privileged ass comments, and then spent the entire 7-hour flight back home sitting next to a member of the parliament that is actively destroying my home country and any sliver of social justice it once had

What a fucking week

Spent the week leading the most difficult and important work task i’ve ever had the responsibility of in my entire professional career, witnessed firsthand the depressing conditions of some of the most essential metal industries that are essential to late capitalism, had to listen to the passive

有休を取ってもやることもないし本当に僕の人生はなんなんって最近めっちゃ思ってる

今日職場でやることないですけどどうしよう

平日はずっと仕事で他のことなんもできないのに土日になると体調崩して結局なんもできないまま終わってしまってまた仕事

生きるの下手すぎ