Michael

Blahaj in backstage area

Blahaj get special corridor to get direct access to stadium seats from VIP area

Photo of north Korean embassy in Ealing

Random but I passed the UK North Korean Embassy. An American friend in group chat said it looked depressing and dreary and all the British people were like: you are describing our whole country accurately

I'm scared and alone and I have no means to express it. Maybe it I stop eating I could express it

Something feels very wrong. In therapy I am learning that it doesn't help to frame the present as the past. The present is different to the past. Something has gone very wrong and I lost my ability to cope and conceptualise. I keep dissociating to a past self and situation like it's now

I've been feeling super isolated and dysphoric so it feels nice seeing the depictions of Ed and still people who think about him

Very kind. I'm wearing what he's wearing now and my hair is just on the pillow. Feeling sad because I have no stede though

That looks a lot like me lol

#ofmdart

Thank you

I just want to say it upfront. An Enby person won a BRIT award. Their music is so cool I cry a lot listening to it. It wasn't really acknowledged at all that they won. I dunno maybe it's not a big deal and we are just accepting. That would be great if so. But also Jacob Alon is so awesome

Don't look back
#ofmd #ofmdfanart #ourflagmeansdeathfanart

Side view of outfit, showing length and drape of hair, dress and shawl

Long haired and thin Michael is wearing a black dress, with belts around his waist and lavender colour shawls as drapery, plus leather forearm and shoulder armour on the left hand side only

I'm gonna see powerwolf tomorrow. This is what I am thinking of an outfit

I'm really dysphoric today. Like I want to hide in the masculinity and minimise the non masculine. I feel vulnerable and scared and I don't have my people around anymore. I wear Athene's dress but I don't feel she's around. I wear it in the possibility that she could. I feel exposed in her armour

I'm dissociating a lot and I'm a lot in my 'little' alter recently and it worries me. This morning I listened to the Good Charlotte song. There was a really neat song about being at the end of youth (most fans at least in late 30s now) I was never into Good Charlotte. But the album hit me hard

Myself with no shirt

Myself with no shirt

I miss my beard but also I wanna see how this face thing plays out. I miss being Blackbeard though

Rose sunrise

Beautiful rose sunrise on Thursday

GMP made this possible

4 hours training of which 2 hours zone 3 and 2h15 on zone 2. It still doesn't feel like it's enough. I'm completely empty and I needed to do more

for a split second i thought that was one of mine. i use a similar style for cards because i have a problem with my handwriting and friends over the years have accepted the creativity of cutting out words

there's a lot of silence at work about yesterday's legal judgment. it makes things difficult. isolating. feels like abandonment

I really want to eat but I have this feeling my body will have a reflex reaction. the last 16 hours Ive just had this reflex thing and it jacks my heart rate up. really just want a soup

I think the running is making me mentally unwell

Something v wrong

I'm in a lift wearing a black long skirt with a burgundy blanket as a wrap around

This seems to be the only thing I want to wear at work. I guess it's entirely different to my gym stuff. I get really repetitive about stuff I wear. Back when I was 21 I just wore a black T or band T, cord trousers and Chelsea boots and I was like: this is my look for life. Not so now.

Palestine Action remain a proscribed organisation, pending an appeal by the government

The running is making me quite unwell lately. I don't want to do it anymore. It's just that I'm very isolated it feels like my only way. That I have nothing else and nowhere else to be. When I get distressed and the running doesn't improve my mood, I work on not eating

It feels worth saying that the thing that unifies men as disparate as Noam Chomsky, Deepak Chopra and Trump is patriarchy. Patriarchy, hatred of women, and the need to dominate them, persists across race and class status. Left movements refuse a robust analysis of persisting gender violence.

A podcast I follow on Jesuit Catholicism just did an episode on trans inclusion. I need a moment. Breathe. Gosh I wasn't expecting this.

Dissociation taking to a dark place. I would like it I could go running right now. Gym opens in just over an hour but I really need to sleep in between. I hope I lost some weight between yesterday and today. It's the only thing I win at lately