R E N

Was basically diagnosed w bpd for now

Shit sucks but I finally understand what’s up

I’m happy I have friends who understand me and don’t get too upset with me

I love my friends

He’s currently given me stuff for sever anxiety and depression

Also gave me a few days ago a mood stabilizer

He said we will work on my focus and attention span later but for now I need to regain control over the way I react to situations and calm down my extremes

Yay

I usually prefer to post my more personal posts here since Twitter is kinda scary and unsafe

Anyways

I’m kinda frustrated that medication takes so much time to start taking effect on my silly brain

I wanna be normal now ! ! !

My psych reassured me that stuff will work out

I’m quitting pressure soon
I’m tired of this

I can have it distributed there !

Blood Rank character design chat going well

2 months in weeeee :3

Take all the time u need to develop urself

We are all flawed in our own way. Broken, weird and STUPID

Don’t hate urself
Don’t torture urself

Be sweet and kind or at least try ur best to be to YOU

Trying leads to succeeding
Improving
Only you can steer ur life right

And ONLY when u accept urself

Oh also people tend to tangle up age with maturity as if me being 21 years old now I should be fully devloped emotionally

It’s not true

I don’t blame teens who go through lots of emotional and social confusion

I’ve only recently been understanding mine

It takes time a long time
Be kind to urself

Also bonus

I DIDNT CRY WRITING THIS DOWN I DIDNT GET EMOTIONAL I TYPED AND AM SMILING AND SO NORMAL ITS AMAZING

man I’m so proud urgh yayyyyy

With all the insanity I’ve been through in my life, I don’t ever torture myself over the feelings I grew up having… not anymore at least

I just felt proud today is all and felt like yapping about it as this place is like a new dairy after all since I burned down my Twitter

Anyways I’m improving !

I even asked a random girl that I forgot her name… uhm I forget names too much… but anyways I asked her to see her project and she took me across the hallways until I got to the place where she placed her project and complimented it too !

I choked up a bit ngl but I managed !

I was social today

Today at school, I managed to complement 6 different people without tearing up !
That’s when I knew I’m doing progress in being more normal
I didn’t cry
I didn’t run away and leave the group

I was so social and so normal

And in my head I kept thinking “wow Im so proud of u Ren… wow ur doing great”

It’s been really hard having irregular emotions
It’s really hard for me to express feelings properly
Brain is very unstable but it gets easier to deal with every year I grow up

It’s like it needs sooooo much practice and analyzing people around you to know what’s ‘normal’ so u copy them

People being nice to me makes me cry
It’s not like it’s rare for people to be nice to me but I can’t help it I just sob my eyes out
Hugs also make me cry

I always avoid the nice things cuz I feel so sad for some reason bruh LOOJ MY EYES ARE TEARING UP JUST TYPING IT OUT LIKE EXCUSE ME

It’s the worst when it’s in an inappropriate timing, or situation like at school

Professor would ask me “are you okay?” And I start crying

Like I’m okay but cuz he checked on me I feel so emotional that he felt nice enough to ask me a nice question and I burst into tears like WHY MANNN

Emotional regulation is very strange, and I wonder if there’s more people out there like me

I go from completely numb and unable to feel anything at all, to hyper laughing at things that aren’t even funny, that my tummy hurts from laughing, to crying over anything like crying over a meme or smthn

HAPPY NEW YEAR YEEAAAAHHHH

They them ever wtf hi them

Karth & Vesper @nolongernull.bsky.social

Imma start spamming this as a thread every time I do pose practice so I can force myself to spam this thread and do more pose practice get it cuz I need to practice more and spam means a lot of practice images and they won’t make themselves haha I need to practice more poses and perspectives cuz I

Crybaby

WHAT THE FUCK DID I MEAN BY THIS

SOON (waits 7 more years)

I need everyone to save this image of Vesper drawn by kerbeyoshu to ur device
I need everyone who’s looking forward to my series to keep this for emergencies (as in spam when u like the shit I’m writing) PLEEEEEAAAASSEEEE I’LL DIE AND SCREAM

🎄

IM SO EXCITED ABOUT MY OCS

IM SO EXCITED ABOUT MY OCS

I FUCKING LOVE MY LORE SHIT

ITS FAR FROM PERFECT BUT ITS HONEST WORK AND ITS PROGRESSING

I SEE ART OF IT AND I LOSE MY SHIT AND SCREAM AND EXPLODE WEEEHEHEHHEHEHEEE

The sudden urge