Xrosader

I may have fucked up

Finished this today

Okay if spawning the most iconic interpretation of Lupin III which inarguably becomes, for better or worse, the building foundation of one of anime's biggest franchises ain't considered a peak, then I don't know what could be.

FLCL's the one franchise that could lend itself so well to bold and new interpretations, and instead we live in the timeline with more EVA and extremely derivative FLCL sequels. Forever mad Anno didn't get the rights in time for khara, I bet something cool could've come out of there.

Anime is bad nowadays because by not having long-term productions of 50+ episodes you can't have ppl learning the skillset to be fast enough to draw an entire episode by themselves. The slow death of solo KAs is one of the many signs that the fundamental appeal and sustainability of TV anime is gone

Time to become a sobbing mess

Yep, I'm guessing it's a bunch of Shaft/DavidPro adjacent creatives building a new studio, there's a bunch of Fire Force ppl in there. In fact they actually did an outsource on the latest S3 that looks straight from S1/2 credits-wise, lol. I can only hope that's where Oishii's preparing a project...

The Forwalk outsources tho...

Those poor robots...

OC

Well?

A friend

After all this time, it feels good to feel like I'm starting to live my own life. And I'm not talking about these two years, I'm talking in general. It feels like my life hasn't been mine until now, and I have no one to blame for that but me. So let's change that! 2026's gonna be a good one, I bet!

Heading into 2026, I wanna read more books. Hopefully I can better handle my hobbies as well, and watch more movies and backlog shows. But I especially want to fit drawing more into my free time. Getting some discipline has been a long time coming, especially if I want to get good at this!

I've done the best I could at every point in my life, and I will only keep getting better at handling stuff. That makes me a pretty great guy, in my own metrics. It's been a particularily life-affirming realization. A very simple one, yeah, but a really hard one to reach on your own, lol.

Not my friends. Not my family. Not my partner, if I ever get one again. And especially not her. I am the culmination of all the experiences I've lived, and I have everyone to thank for that, but ultimately the only one I owe for the person I am today is nobody but myself. And I'm happy with who I am

Despite everything, it's still me. I still like the same things, but also have come to like many other new things that I wasn't into back then. All of who I am, all of my hobbies, all of my positive qualities, my sense of humour, my weird hangups, it's all mine, and it relates to no one else.

Last thing I did before the Xmas holidays started was finally go back to Frieren and finish it in time for S2. Same with the last couple of JJK s2 episodes. I was watching those with her when the break-up happened and it made me reject those things I loved so much. What was I so afraid of anyway?

And by GOD, they were SO PEAK. I can't quite put into words how much I enjoyed Deltarune 3-4 and Silksong, if you know you know. And it felt so good to go back to them and just, feel unabashedly good about it. No creeping feeling of sadness or nostalgia. Just pure awe and inspiration. Felt like home

And I no longer felt those ties to her in DR and HK. I really wanted to see where Deltarune went next. I really wanted to inmerse myself in Pharloom the very same day it dropped. And so I did, binged DR in a couple of days, just in time before Silksong got released.

The Deltarune release day was particularily dreadful, and it made me not want to engage with that in any way following the first couple days. Then summer came around, got a Switch 2, got a little bit further in terms of mental health, and then that fucking Silksong announcement dropped.

What's been especially empowering is going back to those interests I shared with her. We had a lot in common and I showed her some of my favorite stuff, and as a result, those personal works had become inherently connected to her, which made me fear going back to them.

I've played a lot of great stuff, even if I wish I could have played more. I even finished House of Leaves finally! I realize I could never spend this much time on my hobbies if I wasn't on my own, or if my weekly schedule was booked to hell with friend hangouts. I still get plenty of hangouts, tho!

The turning point this year has been moving into an apartment all on my own and reconnecting with my hobbies and likes, for sure. I've started getting into Gundam, and finally got into Gunpla properly, it's so fun! I've gotten more and more into music, and I've been to some insane concerts.

But it's no replacement for facing your actual issues. All I had to do was appreciate myself and the time I spend on my own, instead of looking at how much more sociable the people around me are. I have so much free time to dedicate to myself, more than I've ever had, and it actually feels so good!

In the end, I realized none of that matters. It's all self-imposed expectations on *having* to be with someone because it's what's expected of you by Society, and because it's a style of life I got used to. It's so much more easier to have someone there all the time that can shut your demons off.

Why does no one want to spend as much time with me as I want to spend with them? Why do I have to experience this much hurt and pain while that person gets to walk away and be happy at my expense? Why do I have to feel this lonely while everyone else's got someone?

I'm glad I haven't actively seeked a new relationship. I'm glad I didn't always have someone to talk to. I'm glad I've had to come to terms with my own demons instead of seeking a way out by drowning it all with the company of others. I'm glad I've had to feel undesired, undesirable and confused.