shrimps is bugs 🦐

we’re 4 months out babygirl and that shit’s still HORTIN

posts that aged like milk

whuzgoinon

mom's on the phone with my aunt and just described me as "playing on the computer" 😭 i would give anything to be "playing on the computer" a la 2006 watching AMVs and doing quizzes on quizilla with my bestie 🥺

i love when you like a band so niche that your song hyperfixations single-handedly skew the listens on spotify

depression cancelled i finally got to eat my aunt’s annual christmas baklava thank fucking god christmas is saved

i just saw a tiktok where a woman was like “can we romanticize beautiful colors??” like 😭 words don’t mean anything anymore

i haven't gotten a lot of dopamine from my hobbies lately and i honestly think i'm thinking too hard about it. 2025 is the year of just not thinking do whatever just have fun

hennyway. i love my job bc i'm good at it and it gives me quick dopamine hits when i write code that works ghfdsjk. but i rly wanna focus on being more intentional w/ my hobbies and actually listen to what i want to do rather than force myself to create in a specific way so it feels more rewarding

what i "do" as best i can. i spiraled a lot this year because i felt like i was never "doing" "anything" when a lot of times i just forgot ghfdsjk so i think it'd be fun to keep a running list of hobbies kinda like one would do a habit tracker? idk!

i'm online this week but we essentially get all of next week off (yay academia <- something i don't say often) so i can crank out some code between now and friday but the second i log off i wanna go ham with the hobbies...i also wanna dabble in some bullet journaling in 2025 and keep better track of

not to be career-pilled but it feels so good to get back to work 😤 i intended to spend more of my recovery doing hobbies but i simply did NOT have the energy to do anything other than watch holiday baking shows w/ my mom or sleep ghfdsjk but of course my energy came back when my PTO ran out lol

he's less "good at css" and more "i spend the majority of my workday browsing forums so i can be the first one to tell everyone about the new thing that's going to be added to css in 6 months"

i have a coworker who claims to be a CSS guru (self-appointed title) and lichrally everything he touches looks like absolute dogshit. i've been out from work for abt two weeks and i know everything he touched in the project because he leaves a trail of bad CSS decisions wherever he goes

"working" for the first time after my surgery and ohhh my god i'm in too much pain to be putting up with my coworker's antics. he LOVES talking over people to make sure everyone knows he rubbed his two grubby brain cells together and birthed a completely asinine thought

me, internally: “i’m so stoic and reserved and cool. i’m in so much pain and nobody can even tell”
me, externally:

just remembered that when i came out of anesthesia and they asked me what i wanted to drink i just very weakly trembled out “dr pebber…” and my god that was THE crispiest dr pepper ive ever had in my entire life. truly life-giving. i will never have a dr pepper that crispy ever again

one of the few perks of recovering is that all your meals get to be little lunchables-style bites to take your meds with. some cranberry turkey salad and crackers with my painkiller. a handful of strawberries with my muscle relaxer. a cup of yogurt with my aspirin. some walnuts with my anti-nausea.

i truly am their child tho bc after the surgery was scheduled i spent three days reading everything abt the procedures and after i exhausted my resources i exclusively piddled around my house (fixed, cleaned, organized shit) until they got here lmao

i just find it funny that we’re all a little stressed and coping in different ways. mom’s reading all my surgery paperwork, dad’s fixing my lamp, and i’m staring at the wall ghfjsk

but in classic dad fashion, my dad is currently hunched over it trying to fix it. i think partly because he knows the lamp means a lot to me but mostly because he's infected with the "how hard can it be" adhd

one of the things that broke last night was a white banker's lamp i've had since elementary school and am very sentimental about bc i very much remember staying up late to draw shitty anime girls on computer paper by its light and having it finally give out made me SO SAD

i'm going to have a breakdown in pre-op i can just FEEL it

i do NOT get enough credit for not losing my shit as often as i could. by the way. this almost broke me

what the fuck does it mean when three things break in succession in the span of like 30 minutes. i'm fucking scared to touch anything what is going ON

like man i’m designing and coding a personal design system FROM SCRATCH im never going to be this motivated again and when i am it’ll probably be to like. idk rearrange my furniture or something

like. i don’t have high hopes for this recovery being an easy one. i think im going to be in a lot of pain for at least two weeks and then a regular amount of pain for another month. i cant think straight when that shit HURTS

first time i’ve been inspired in months and it’s two days before my operation

i genuinely miss being on vyvanse because this shit came so easily to me rather than it feeling like pulling teeth. had a glimpse of that desire to be productive today but only after ingesting 300mg of caffeine and pretending like i was shooting a cleaning vlog lmao

like i CLEANED cleaned.“steamed the inside of my washer” cleaned. “pulled out the dryer and scrubbed the floor with my hands” cleaned. BEGONE DOG HAIR. now it’s time to dust and vacuum every square inch of this apartment while the afternoon sun hits just right lol