Nilly Annie

Walked into a corner, bruised my back. Blew out my hair, burnt my neck. I got a desk job this was supposed to stop

No one else is in the office today, you know what that means. I can wear sweatpants to work today 🙌🏼

Sunday is for responding to the long distance side hoes 💃🏼

I am too high, and yet simultaneously not high enough, to deal with this bullshit

When everyone leaves the office at 2pm I get very weird

Cactus vs fondue

All good lies include a truth

If I hear one more “we’re so glad to have you!” I’m gonna put a brick thru a window

It’s been 3 days and I already miss being blue collar

At 28 I finally decided the proper Christmas attire is a full Grinch cosplay

It’s my mental health and I’ll talk about it whenever and however often I want to, damn

Bar on the fuckin floor

Promised myself I wouldn’t do it. Probably gonna do it. I only break promises I make to myself ✌🏼

Strongarming people into doing things with me

Wtf am I gonna do when I move back to Detroit and New Orleans isn’t a 1/2 day drive away??? I forgot how to live in the north

I KEEP BUYING FLIGHTS TELL ME TO STOP

My roommate has In The Air by Phil Collins playing on repeat to go to sleep, and I should be annoyed by 1 song playing for 3hrs, but like… it’s Phil Collins…

I want to analyze how Lady Gaga set herself up to be successful as she ages in the industry. As bodies slow down and lose their dance skill, as heels become impossible to perform in, as costumes change over the years, she will never lose her style, because it’s universally never “in style”

I love going to New Orleans because of the time zone change, I always get more time than I think I have 🥰

My friend always ignores my “love you buddy” at the end of a phone call. I’m determined to get him to say ily back

Hung my live-vines and roommate said it looked like a fairy corner. Never mentioned faeries to her, which means they’re here….

For a long time I thought talking to myself was performative when I’m around other people, but dear god has it gotten worse since I’m not constantly around other people

a man in a flower costume is asking when is it going to be his turn ALT: a man in a flower costume is asking when is it going to be his turn

Damn, another bi person that I love, but not like that…

My apartment complex has a space like the Bermuda Triangle in HIMYM. Just put stuff outside and in 3hrs it’s gone

*Tells people therapy is the safest place to cry*

*Actively feels embarrassed for crying in therapy*

This dude was talking to my dad for 10 min about helping me move, and when I walked in first thing he did was look at my ass. I’m so grateful for the obliviousness of white dads

Rent reporting is the best thing since credit cards

Update: roommate is 23 in her first apartment and ex-boyfriend is 31 and was living with her/me rent-free.
Ex boyfriend: also trash

WHY AM I NEVER ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN THE LGBTQ GIRLS I MEET WTF I have enough gay friends by now I need LESBIAN LOVERS