Col. Will Porter

I want a cut of that movie where every gun carried by Arnold's team is firing full auto of its own accord whenever it's in screen. Indoors, in camp, over dialog? Constant. Cyclic. Fire.

The strobing muzzle flash may actually be physically hazardous to viewers. 💀

If that raises their blood pressure, watching Predator should be lethal.

But that's how guns work in an ACTION movie! It isn't a crew served weapon if the gunner's beefy. Bill Duke can run one continuous M60 belt for 40min as a treat.

Bechdel & Thomet

a film can only be said to have good trigger discipline if two female characters with guns have a conversation about anything but a man without shooting anyone.

Yeah, Department of War! "Epic" TOTALLY describes your fury!

Swap Gary Oldman's characters between The Fifth Element and Bram Stoker's Dracula and both films become truly fearsome to behold.

What if you could get got shot by a puppet? What if the bed was disposable? What if veterans dressed like they were in Hackers, but sexier? What if we gave an annoying man a really hot neckline? What if we 3D printed you? What if Tricky was there in a huge leather bolo tie?

I love The Fifth Element.

It's like Weyland-Yutani and the Tyrell Corporation present haute couture Pee Wee's Playhouse

My Great Gatsby Party may gloss over the emptiness and tragic themes of the book but at least I'm not feeling nostalgic for the bygone world depicted in the (checks notes) emails of a child trafficking sex predator enriched by investment fraud.

I admit I haven't read the article, but unless the conclusion is, "Good Riddance, Now Let's Finish It Off," this noise can go fuck itself.

girlbox

Tonight's vocal stim: Miles O'brien sings Uptown Girl

gonna need a ball-istics ex-spurt on this one.

Actually, that was before I saw the other bits, now I only accept about 3/5 of the respunksability.

Entirely my fault.

Thus concludes this installment of Cumtectives.

The Cumtectives will return in Cumtectives 4: Ancient Jizztory 🕵‍♂️🕵‍♂️💦

Lab tech: My God, fellas. I didn't think ropes like these were possible. Note the midair spiral. That splash-back! It's totally insane, but also... brilliant.

Young detective: (scoffs) Almost sound like you respect 'em.

Old detective: Be a fool not to, kid. It's what keeps us alive.

Younger detective kicks a trash can across the room.

Older detective: Told you, kid. Goop factor was way off.

Smut Detectives trying to ID unattributed jpegs. They impatiently pace the floor as a lab tech runs overlays and cross-comparisons on a sophisticated forensic computer.

Tech drops her glasses on the desk, sits back, rubbing her eyes.

"Sorry boys. The cums don't match."

Just Twin more Peaks...

yes! draw small! I love a miniature drawing.

Really make the detective who's tailing you get right down in there to see what's up only to discover🕵‍♂️...
😳It's cum.
🤦‍♂️It's a lot of cum.

It's an honor killing. The country democracy made didn't respect the Patriarchy enough so down it goes, taking adults children, ecosystems, cities... lives that might have otherwise been allowed to chug along unmolested if not for the fact that they didn't exist to make like 20 rich men richer.

This path makes it a LOT easier for state to kill hundreds of thousands of people through intentional denial of services AND directly with state troops.

It's accelerationism, sabotage, managed decline, and the fact that people claim to support it for the good of our children is fucked.

People who aren't, close to the margin of society or vulnerable situations may have noticed a little rot but let it go because they were confident it won't touch them. They believed the lies about immigrant crime and competent policing, financial conservatism...

This path will kill people I know.

This path will make my life, my kid's life, my aging parents lives, and millions of others'lives objectively worse and less safe just to keep a party-bus worth of rich men from feeling unimportant.

Shit that was just a series of doctor's appointments 9yrs ago can put you and your doctor in prison in several states just because it makes a handful of tech billionaires and rotting Christian fundamentalist husks feel better.

So many people's lives are now at risk as a direct result of the Gov't deciding astronomically expensive cruelty was a better buy than healthy, educated, employed people.

Ghouls like McConnell, Rubio, Gaetz, Cruz, and like 2/3 of the supreme court enthusiastically helped them do it, and Democrats were too scared of displeasing their donors to risk their own dark, nasty, PAC money by pushing back.