Johnny Novak 🇨🇦

Growing up as a Canadian, everything about UK culture seemed fancy. Even the British spelling of diarrhoea looks posh

If you ever feel useless, just remember there’s an American spelling of “kilometre”

What do you mean I’m not allowed to use my phone during the movie? How am I supposed look up every actor’s IMDB to find out what I know them from?!

It’s not “junk”, it’s performative mail

Sorry but Toronto and Canada are not synonyms 🇨🇦

Lest we forget. But Unicode also needs to stop forgetting to put out a poppy emoji. The hibiscus vibes are nice but ain’t it 🌺

I’m back on Bluesky after 6 months. This time I’m slowly gonna wean myself off of Meta. This is day one 😮‍💨

What’s up? Chicken butt

Running Reads When I’m not running (and not writing🙄) I’m reading!

Finally got a new Substack out about books about running! 👟📚

Did the Hudson’s Bay Company really go under or did they just not wanna fix their escalators?

Ah yes, the Peeping Pierre

I don’t need alcohol to feel hungover. What’s your super power?

A man with a beard and no baseball talent jokes about now being able to play for the New York baseball team after the news broke that they are ditching their archaic rule that says all players must be clean shaven

On my way to go play for the Yankees!

I’m making as many “11th Province” references as possible to let MAGAs know how annoying it is to make the same joke over and over again

Naps are a great way to be sober and still get the feeling of being hungover

Nothing makes me scroll faster than a video that starts with “stop scrolling!”

Watched The Matrix last night for the first time in ages and realized it’s more relevant than ever. It’s about a bunch of people still believing it’s 1999

For those who have lost track.

It’s now USA vs Greenland, Canada, Panama, Mexico and now Colombia.

Am I missing anyone?

Grandpa Joe was the first “wellness” influencer to tell us this

Okay but if I actually “listen to my body” I’m never getting out of bed again

The best part about New Year’s Eve on the west coast is that it happens at 9pm

Watched Mr Deeds for the first time in a while. Holds up for the most part but the plot is all about inheriting $40 billion; Not enough to buy Twitter by today’s standards 😮‍💨

I can’t believe they went with this over “Kornucopia”

I’ll eat healthy once I finish all the Christmas treats!

I’m always disappointed by the lack of boxing every year on Boxing Day

The words “attic” and “addict” sound too much a like. Especially when I tell people about my obsession with high up dusty rooms

Do conservatives wash their legs in the shower or do they just think the soap will trickle down?

“Good Luck, Babe!” is the all season “Last Christmas”

You can’t spell “assassin” without ass! Twice.