Johnny Novak 🇨🇦

Running Reads When I’m not running (and not writing🙄) I’m reading!

Finally got a new Substack out about books about running! 👟📚

Did the Hudson’s Bay Company really go under or did they just not wanna fix their escalators?

Ah yes, the Peeping Pierre

I don’t need alcohol to feel hungover. What’s your super power?

A man with a beard and no baseball talent jokes about now being able to play for the New York baseball team after the news broke that they are ditching their archaic rule that says all players must be clean shaven

On my way to go play for the Yankees!

I’m making as many “11th Province” references as possible to let MAGAs know how annoying it is to make the same joke over and over again

Naps are a great way to be sober and still get the feeling of being hungover

Nothing makes me scroll faster than a video that starts with “stop scrolling!”

Watched The Matrix last night for the first time in ages and realized it’s more relevant than ever. It’s about a bunch of people still believing it’s 1999

For those who have lost track.

It’s now USA vs Greenland, Canada, Panama, Mexico and now Colombia.

Am I missing anyone?

Shut up about the 51st state Shut up about the 51st state

Grandpa Joe was the first “wellness” influencer to tell us this

Okay but if I actually “listen to my body” I’m never getting out of bed again

The best part about New Year’s Eve on the west coast is that it happens at 9pm

Watched Mr Deeds for the first time in a while. Holds up for the most part but the plot is all about inheriting $40 billion; Not enough to buy Twitter by today’s standards 😮‍💨

I can’t believe they went with this over “Kornucopia”

I’ll eat healthy once I finish all the Christmas treats!

I’m always disappointed by the lack of boxing every year on Boxing Day

The words “attic” and “addict” sound too much a like. Especially when I tell people about my obsession with high up dusty rooms

Do conservatives wash their legs in the shower or do they just think the soap will trickle down?

“Good Luck, Babe!” is the all season “Last Christmas”

You can’t spell “assassin” without ass! Twice.

Yay! It’s the first time Bluesky has let us know that Facebook is down. Nature is healing ❤️❤️

Okay but is it not called a “McManifesto” if it’s at McDonald’s?

Gladiator II? More like Madiator II! No one was happy in that movie

WTF! Luigi Mangione and I were having lunch together last week in Victoria, BC. The timeline doesn’t match up!

It’s been a rough week, especially for the finance bros trying to sell their “be your own CEO” courses 😢

Does Santa Claus still bring you coal in your stocking if you’re on the naughty list or has he upgraded to solar panels?

Eric Clapton. Did I do this right?

Why is the ship 🚢 emoji only half the vessel? Is it supposed to be a Titanic joke we’re just getting now?