Skip “Skippy” Skipperson

How am I? I don't answer trick questions.

Procrastimaxxing (looking at smut and being a pig)

Establish dominance at your morning meeting by staring at the table in a silence--just passed the point it becomes uncomfortable--then look up, uttlerly deadpan, and say, in a thick, croaking New England accent: "'Pers to be a storm abrewin,..."

I stopped the world to melt my yard

We’re working overtime here at the Don’t Give A Shit factory. And while morale is obviously quite low nobody really seems to care, that’s how professional we are.

TABLES! I can't know how to hear any more about tables

Today's tshirt

Remember scrounging around for loose change to put a gallon or two of gas in your car so you could go out on a Friday night? It was a lot more successful than having to scrounge around for loose twenty-dollar bills like we do now, that’s for sure 🫤

Have the kind of sex where you have to buy a new house.

How awesome would it be if this moment existed in the small window of time between When It Happened and When We Heard The News?

Happy Daylight Savings Monday. Wear a helmet, it’s brutal.

From the erotic thriller “Arrested Development”, certified hottie Lucille Bluth makes a flippant comment on the price of bananas while giving a smoldering look that you can feel in your hip pocket.

“I mean, it’s one gallon of gas, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?”

Celebrating International Women’s Day by making sure her vibrator is fully charged

No, no… leave the scowl on, hot stuff 🫠

*seductively sending you a DM to tell you that I would never seductively send you a DM*

Mid-70’s temps on Tuesday?!? Sorry folks, work is closed Tuesday, we’re setting up lawn chairs at the bottom of the driveway and having day beers with the neighborhood.

Daylight Glazing Time

I have more in common with any Iranian than with any of the ghouls who have run my country my whole life

People today will never know what it means to do actual hard work. We’ve succumbed to Big Soap’s lies and propaganda, and as a result we’ve stripped away the body’s natural elbow grease and left ourselves weaker as a people.

hey everyone i just invented a new thing and since congress doesn't exist anymore we can just go ahead and do it, i'm calling it Citizen's Impeachment

An extra hour of coffee and quiet this morning. It’s not much, but I’ll take it and be thankful for it.

Me: you a real one

Square Root of -2: ACTUALLY…

You can give a man your whole life and he will still look up porn.

daylight savings time to post some hog

I’m sorry I sent your husband nudes. In my defense, he asked.

Yeah, I sprung forward, now it’s your turn…

That hour we’re losing tonight is gonna happen right in the middle of a hot sex dream, isn’t it?

Wankmaxxing and shame spiraling

I’m sorry your boyfriend’s AI bot convinced him that the female orgasm is a myth

Failing to Meet Expectations for Over Four Decades!™️