Skip “Skippy” Skipperson

“Each day is better than the next” is my go-to phrase

Looking to set up a meeting with the fat bottomed girls to see if we can stop the rockin world from going round for a day or two, just so we can all catch our breath.

Imagine you’re the wife of the founder of Antifa and THIS is how you find out he’s cheating on you 🫤

replying NOR SHOULD YOU
to everything everbody says

Fuck, the new Bruins uniforms are hot…

Celebrating Hump Day with the traditional face down cry-grind on the couch

Might just start replying to my own posts you're lame.

Um, she’s sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw the founder of Antifa’s girlfriend pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

Be a proper gentleman and make out with her in the back of her minivan while she’s supposed to be out grocery shopping.

JUDGE: are you both sure there’s nothing that could save your marriage?

ME: your honor, he asked me “what has 9 arms and sucks?”

JUDGE: so what was the answer?

ME: Def Leppard

JUDGE: jfc what an asshole I declare this marriage dissolved

The last day of All Day Baseball of the year :-(

Giving me room to be more instead of asking me to be less

If they invoke the Insurrection Act then we don’t go to work anymore, pass it on.

I came here to slap some butt and outpizza the Hut, and… *chuckles* …NO ONE outpizzas the Hut

Spent several hours shitposting and looking at dirty pictures, the rest of the day I wasted.

How dare you accuse me of something as uncouth as sending a dick pic. I’ll have you know I take great pride in sending only the finest phallus daguerreotypes to my more sophisticated mutuals.

My back cracked so loudly that all the neighbors flocked to Nextdoor to complain about people setting off firecrackers

Be the reason she tenaciously grabs the bedsheets with both hands

Reminds me of the time I froze up and couldn’t talk when they told me they could do that because they had perineal authority 😳

It’s an emergency, no time to explain, just get your clothes off and meet me in bed, NOW!

*seductively teasing you under your desk as you try to make it through your cameras-on Teams call*

Failed the vibe check, so I plugged it in to get it recharged for her.

Perfect costume idea. Everybody stands around wondering if it is slutty or not slutty, you stay inside a box eating snacks and not talking to people 😆

Looking forward to theorizing how slutty it could be at a given point in time

Don’t you just hate waking up and having to check if maybe your country declared war on anyone overnight?

Marketing myself as a purveyor of guilt-free, low-calorie creampies due to the vasectomy

It’s really hard to get any work done when you’re sitting over there looking so hot in your sweatpants and tank top…

hi. don’t take your phone to a protest.

Scientists are baffled, but it seems people driving around in circles in St. Louis and Cincinnati causes the heat and humidity in New Orleans to skyrocket.

Nothing says “I love you” quite like throwing them over the arm of the couch and vigorously dry-humping them at 7:25 in the morning