🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️

Normalize spending holidays in an air duct looking down at your family 🏆👑 Congratulations @ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

Once the dust bunnies become sentient they are ready to be gathered

What I learned this week on Bluesky:

People fart an average of 23 times a day.

Picking out my runaway name and starting a new life.

I regret nothing...wait everything.

Raises hand..I have opinions. Puts hand down..nevermind

Deletes sad posts. Let's do this again, tomorrow but like with less feelings.

Snort laughing just to make a good impression.

Slapping me silly might fix me.

Holy buttholes, Batman!

Welp! You're screwed..A cautionary tale.

My safe word is falalala.

Them...are you avoiding me? Me..probably.

I already miss hating the summer heat

So much to rant about... so little time....

Turns out you can get married in Vegas no matter how drunk you are.

I have little in common with people who have a lot in common with other people.

I'm old enough now where I can fake old people sleep to avoid awkward situations.

Me: I just want to sleep!
Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE!
Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.

You can learn a lot about a person just by whether they have their phone muted or not.

Humor is an awesome coping mechanism for anger, anxiety & depression . . . This is why I try to make myself laugh.

I'm so old, I remember having to carry my luggage because it didn't have wheels.

My brain can remember a random event from 10 years ago, but can easily forget why I walked into a room 10 seconds ago.

introduce yourself with 5 concerts you've seen:

dmb
csn&y
todd snider
pearl jam
willie nelson

If you see this repost with your model of positive masculinity

🎶it's beginning to look a lot like butthole🎶

a pop-up advent calendar, but of butthole skeets

me: if you could change something about how fast food companies market their wares, what would it be?

him: stores like Taco Hell and Chipotle would include Depends in the to-go bags

me:

him:

me: there's a story there