Field94

Not somewhere I can safely pick up prescriptions from pharmacy and despite doing concealed package delivery from online pharmacy for longest time, current homeowner is exceptionally nosy and invasive. I wasn't seeing any meaningful results anyway, so I guess I won't miss having HRT...

Jobhunt hasnt been productive in over a year.
Screaming into the void hasnt been productive for 5 months.
Keeping my head down hasnt been productive in 2 households over 2 months now.
Collections can no longer be kept at bay and my credit is a smoking crater.
The hell is the even the point anymore.

And thats the final nail in the coffin; Disposition letter posted Noon today, due today for amounts charged relating to services rendered by apartment complex in finalizing termination of lease.
And no funds to cover that amount. God I love everything about this.

I got no coherent thoughts for yah after the month(s) I've had. Frustrated, overwhelmed and furious. Just screaming. Loud gutteral throat destroying screaming.

Well, successfully delayed everything by a month... and its been a month since I mentioned my situation.
Yep that's right, its that time again and this time I don't have anything more to sell off to try keeping back the debt collection!

"If you need anything / if I can help in any way, just let me know"

I don't know that you can. I can give you the *real* honest 4-digit number and we can see what little you can whittle away, but frankly that number is just to keep this Hell going.

I don't know what it will take to get out.

Well now that the weight of only having less than a month left at this place, and thus need to get rid of everything that doesnt fit in my car, and still no job prospects has settled, yeah the new problem to solve is "what now?"

I still have no idea and it horrifies me.

So it *doesnt matter* that I cant make that later rent, they saw I was short the aforementioned amount and decided "nope, done".

And with that I have a gun to my head to terminate the lease and be homeless while also losing all of my belongings, because they have no interest in helping with that.

Oh, silly me. So bad just got worse; I guess my cosigner started to crunch numbers and is now as antsy about this entire "no job" situation as I am... and are seriously considering pursuing early termination of the lease by 3 whole months.

I dont think I am asking for help right now either, I just needed to share.
I will prolly go right back to distracting myself while I continue to get rejected for every job under the sun.

I hadnt reached out and asked for any financial help because I have nothing to offer or promise in return, it would very much shaking a cup in peoples' faces. Instead I basically acted as if nothing was wrong, and because of that its hard not to think of this all as self-inflicted.

Unemployment benefits ended in March and it was barely covering the rent. Meanwhile every expense that could come up did. And now I'm short $3000.
I have nothing Im 'good' at, so havent even looked into any side hustles to keep afloat.

I have no housing lined up afterwards, no job offers lined up and no income. And I've kept "quiet" about this all for a year now, Im sure its been bleeding through, and Ive vaguely mentioned my frustrations.

$3000

I tried to be optimistic, to keep up the effort, but it meant I made very bad assumptions. I am $3000 short of what I "should" have to make it through this lease and need to come up with $400 of it in 2 weeks. And that's short term.

Electric bill just came in and yep, I will be making forum posts in my old haunts to stem the bleeding and much needed downsizing, but time's up.

The frustrating part isnt Im here, that doesnt surprise me. The frustrating part is everyone expects I know how to ask for help, that I have a plan, that if I just do the thing everything will fix itself.

I dont know how to ask for help. I have no ideas what to do. I tried everything, didnt work.

I thought hardship and stress were supposed to be galvanizing? Thinking Ive never recovered once in 13 years, just kept finding a new bottom or maybe I just keep falling over and over? Just feel broken and alone maybe not for the first time but more sharply than in recent memory.

I'm still feeling like this, tho nearing the end of my options with no resolution in sight is more to blame than anything. Been getting told this entire time I haven't found work because I'm not trying hard enough. I shouldn't need help because I shouldn't be having problems :)

Happy Pride(?)

I dunno, do what y'all can but for everyone else who is also "behind enemy lines, surviving out of sight, out of mind" how do you cope?
I haven't been in a spot to even attempt to live and be seen for 3 years and counting. Its just not in the cards, and this rate never will.

"Share what you are comfortable with". That's the problem exactly. I have no issue sharing every last detail. What exactly has been going on, just how dire things are and what I've tried that hasn't stuck.
But now I just feel like I shouldn't. There's enough going on. Why add to the noise.

I meant to be using this so much more. The possibility of randos seeing me screaming into the void and probably saying something was the entire point.
But, now I find I keep holding off because I know who can see this and don't want them dealing with it.

a cartoon character with horns and a fish on her shoulder ALT: a cartoon character with horns and a fish on her shoulder

Would if we could. I know better by now; ain't no stopping yah

Taking names w/ Mardu? Hell yeah, love to see it.

Much like I will get Taco Bell knowing full well its not what most people think of when they hear "mexican food", I will absolutely throw down with a deep dish. Sure, we can call it "pizza".

There are two members of the audience: the one that is used to this kind of phrasing, and the other who think its is so out of left field. 🤭

a drawing of three pokemon with chinese characters on the bottom Alt: an animation of Meganium, Typhosion and Feraligatr swaying side-to-side

I am very much a Gen2 gal, and the starters will always have their spot for me.
(A reminder that Pokémon is both singular AND plural 😈)

🥹💗tysm!