~Tilda is short for Tyler Ann Endicottilda

and I mean EVERY guest, EVERY time

including JD Vance every time he enters the room

I imagine that whenever he has a guest he goes over to the closed curtains and says "you're never gonna believe what we have in here they tried to take it hey said it was bad and sick and nic cage stole it, but we brought it back folks it's here again" and then wooshes open the curtains to reveal it

OMG THAT BUS STOLE THE ATM YOU INDIRECTLY WITNESSED A HEIST

John Hamm in Mad Men saying "that's what the money is for" but the caption is "that's what the squats are for"

idk I had those reef flip flops with the bottle opener in the sole when I lived in LA, as one does, and I never used it

first because I had a bottle opener on my keychain at all times obvi

and second because uh that touched the ground I don't want that to touch my bottle

and their one hit wasn't even close to their best song! DEVO rules

I think it means she's a keeper

a chainsaw leg might be unwieldy in some situations but highly practical in others you should go for it

octopus is delicious but I feel really bad about eating it

depends on the 11yo's opinions on lady gaga I think

good luck I hope it does work!

oh nooooo

what's the prognosis?

oh I know he's intimate with her I just think at his best he barely had object permanence and he's declined a lot from that too

dude can use the word "hubris" correctly in a sentence but doesn't know not to throw his smartphone into a pool he could def be one of ours

instructions unclear he put the be'cell'd phone into the toaster

ngl I'm gonna get some mileage out of that screenshot

we'll do squats and get low tomorrow too

the myth of icarus

a manilla envelope with "ASSAY" written on it

tfw u canadian and u see a good butt

FROM THE WINDOWS

I assume that he's actually asking who these people even are and they're trying to make him sound more normal by telling everyone he's asking about firing them

hey now this needs an adult content warning some of us are at work and can't get too hot and bothered

lass if I ever try to get rid of you you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed

if you have @mementomorty.bsky.social blocked it's probably because you have the skywatch MAGA blocklist on, you have to unsubscribe to get her back

which is some bullshit but worth it

I still can't seem to tag her but here's one of her posts

unsubscribe from the MAGA list from Skywatch I guess

Morty got added to the biggest MAGA one might wanna check if you have her accidentally blocked now

it's cool that the blocklists have gotten really unreliable and are now just petty grievances that's great

to quote the existential philosopher Everlast, "I got more rhymes than there's cops at a dunkin donuts shop, sho 'nuff I got props, from the kids on the hill plus my mom and my pops"

most boring man I've ever met and somehow his job was slim pickens from dr. strangelove

later in his life when I was working for the air force we started writing letters back and forth and he told me more about his life and career and I was like holy shit that guy did that?!?