Sirsicksalot

What a time to be alive (derogatory)

I wonder if I could profit off an only fans made strictly of sketches of my nudes

Using a period tracking app at this point in history is nuts. They have now added a perimenopause score to try and entice more women to use them. How about stay the fuck out of my business

Hotels probably love it when I dye my hair the day of my arrival

When I rinse my mouth it sounds just like Busta Rhymes in there

"Your life has no direction."

"Yes it does."

"What?"

"Untoward."

After exhausting all other options, I’ve decided to lose my shit.

It is 1998. I am at the kitchen table writing Batman fanfic but I keep getting distracted by breaking news about a Bill Clinton sex scandal

It is 2025. I am at the kitchen table writing a canonical Bat-book but I keep getting distracted by breaking news about a Bill Clinton sex scandal

I don't think people should still be surprised or mad that in the timeline where The Onion is seemingly the most ethical and accurate newspaper, that serious threats are ignored and jokes are punished. We've been in the upside down for awhile, babes. Catch up.

Are you attempting to use reverse psychology on the universe?

my whole life i've known there was something profoundly wrong with the way the world works and finding out over and over that the reason is "incredibly wealthy degenerate men want to fuck children" is like, the worst reason. but that's what it is.

And they said Nancy Regan was the throat goat

And they said Nancy Regan was the throat goat

He did not have sexual relations with that president! Or did he?

Maybe Donny demolished the ballroom to hide the cum stained dress hanging in the closet

Surprised Trump doesn’t call him Willy Clinton

Hon, you’re only streaming one football game. Is everything ok?

You can keep whispering guillotine and revolution everywhere you go in hopes it’s a bug in the right ear but I’ll try not get my hopes too high above poverty level

You wouldn't give capitalism to a toddler, Kevin. It says right there on the package that it's a choking hazard.

I guess this could also be construed as a coup attempt

I prefer to seize the night, carpe PM as I say

Get yourself a man who buys the hand soap refill you like without even being asked to

They call her Laura Loomer because of the way she stands over your bed while you're asleep.

He’s just gonna peacefully pass away in that fucking chair isn’t he? Fuck that guy

I was on a Teams meeting and the background kept flickering over my right shoulder at the height of a child but I was home alone and my children wonder why WE DON’T TALK ABOUT GHOSTS IN HERE

In Hell, you are perpetually stuck between the tailgaiter and the asshole going 10 under the speed limit.

if you start your period during the super moon you get to kill one dude

*cutting bangs with craft scissors in Hobby Lobby

Employee: Do you need help?

Me: No thanks! I'm just looking!

Horror films with the plants. They haven't exactly strangled with tendrils the psyche of the modern trellis goer but I won't stop thinking of them like was I even raised on growing? "No more coffee for the both of us" laughs flytrap

If you have any projects you want started with enthusiasm and not finished, I’m your girl.