bort

Trump commuted N.J. con man’s sentence. Now he’s going back to prison for new Ponzi scheme. The Ponzi scheme duped investors out of $44 million.

2:12 am…going back for more ponzi

it’s gonna be so funny if these ever make sense

what’s the minimum amount of mexican you have to be in order to hype yourself up on social media as a potential ICE kidnapping victim. i think the floor should be fourteen percent

i need $5 for no executey

Coming around to the “we need to bring back shame” argument

mr president!! what do you say to critics who think your pedophilia shouldn’t result in their murders

coming up, we’ve got some very happy birthdays to some very special centenarians in the smuckers birthday zone. then, the president has called for everyone to be killed

i dunno, “cars need to have a driver” seems like it should be in the big book of car law somewhere

turned on the news and they’re saying donald trump is giving away all his favorite records to his friends. what’s that about

i don’t know what theo von is. sounds like one of those stores you see still roughing it out in a dead mall

Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck

Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck

presidential speechwriter is one of those jobs where you have no real relevant background to be an authority on anything and get every platform you want to show as much

I keep forgetting that one guy died

hi everyone, i’m john krasinski and this is some good news. personally, i don’t think it’s healthy to fixate on a constant stream of stories about evil senile nazi pedophiles running the government. so: who are some senile nazi pedophiles who have made a positive difference in your life

CHESTER BENNINGTON
(chorus)
I'm Elmo's 𝗗𝗔𝗗
I'm tall and 𝗥𝗘𝗗

MIKE SHINODA
(quietly)
Tall and red all the time still I can't believe the son is mine

that’s not how he said the line. it was different before. something changed

i think when you look back at how this country came to be and everything it’s done since, it’s hard not to conclude that the source of our ongoing societal collapse is 1992’s “Night Trap”

OK, so young woman who was a staffer for a Republican congressman set herself on fire like a Vietnamese monk out of the blue?? It's ok folks, the Uvalde police have said there's nothing suspicious!
www.msn.com/en-us/news/c...

Keith Olderman. Urkel voice did I do that 😏

intro for a sitcom pilot i worked on back in 2014. what could have been…

i would never date a woman 34 years younger than me. unless I was really old. what am i gonna do, date a really old lady

there was an episode of Ricki Lake titled "You May Think It's Wack... But I'm Addicted To Teasing My Crack!" and when this little bald man came out on stage with his big feather everyone booed

imagine what an awful book i could write. subway trains across america just rattling with the sounds of books being thrown at the walls

the fuckin jump scare seeing bill maher’s face come across the tl during this particular news cycle

What's funny is that means it has nothing to do with his politics lmao

maybe the book should have been called the weiner campaign(s)

calling a book about yourself “american __” is some real 19-year-old english lit major shit. like those reddit posts entitled something like “How it came to this.” where you realize someone wrote a 20 page post about getting friendzoned. except it’s about fucking a ReDead

I think if you combed dc for people who went to harvard who are as smart as the general population assumes harvard grads to be, that person would say “hey stop combing me”