Ivy Burns

my reels algo is 50% motorcycles POV running from the cops and 50% MLP yuri

coming home from exhausting 9-5 to also do all the house chores while my wife shows me the beat she made in fl studio

hooking up with a drummer on some “am i rushing or dragging?”

your white boyfriend is a bad inefficient engineer

i always let the egg come first

pleaing “death of the author” when questions about last nights drunk texts

flying home to show my middle school bullies what a REAL fag looks like

shit too late, just imagine a biblically accurate angel with pasties on all of its eyes

this the type shit i wanna hear jon stewart reading out on the daily show

the difference between your freak and my freak is that i can still cum from kissy missionary

im at ur girls crib doin poppers

robotgirl orgy call that networking

the moment i pay attention to the mariners is the moment they go on a loss streak. schrödingers win%

at least here you can go D1, they’re vocally against that irl

white tboy in my hinge likes look like prezoh 🤤

blocking the whole ass intersection doing donuts in front of a waymo

it’s really nice how walmart lets you sleep in their parking lot. i’ll thank them by shoplifting from target :>

*buying carbon credits with the money i made stealing catalytic converters*

that’s how they want you to feel. stack bodies on the sword til the tip can’t come through

i would eat the rice raw for 5 words of affirmation

i breathe sawdust. i eat plywood. i gargle with salt water and spit out wood glue. be the wheel. be at peace

some days i want to get my eyeliner tattooed. other days i want to drive through iowa without be lynched. it’s give and take i guess

fake major, now catch this drone strike

me, who misheard “frat party”: so when’s everyone gonna rub their dicks together?

if you aren’t older than the baconator pls DNI

i don’t owe you femininity ! ! ! i owe you $20 for the eighth you fronted me, and i swear i’ll have it by friday 😵‍💫🤧‼️

they should make a separate economy for chill ass guys like me who don’t have cable news induced dementia

as soon as they autocaps kick in the gigs up

accidentally adding my cis friend to the tgirl group chat (we were talking about our plans to bomb yemen)

cranking nine-teens like i’m playing frotnite