Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.

Needy vs. Needed: Reclaiming Your Emotional Independence The Science of Support: Why a Little Less Can Mean a Whole Lot More

The deepest love isn’t the loudest, it’s the kind that happens quietly, behind the scenes, without us even knowing it.

open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...

Conflict as Connection: The Surprising Truth About Arguments The psychology of building emotional security through better disagreements.

“We never argue.”

A sign of strength or a sign of trouble?

Why every couple needs to learn how to argue better…

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The Proximity Paradox: Why Closeness Isn't Always Connection How to stay close without losing yourself or suffocating your relationship.

Closeness can feel suffocating. Distance also feels threatening.

Greater connection means greater vulnerability.

Your amazing partner could drift away and be lost forever.

Finding the optimal balance of closeness and connection is a challenge for every couple. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...

The Martyr Myth: How Self-Sacrifice Sabotages Love Why doing less may be better for both of you.

When love means losing yourself, devotion becomes depletion, not connection.

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Change Them or Choose Them: You Can’t Do Both The science of loving someone as they are, and helping them become who they want to be.

Our partner is supposed to love us for who we are, not who they would rather us be.

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12 Must Read Insights about Dating and Relationships Essential lessons, reminders, and realities about modern relationships.

Essential lessons, reminders, and realities about modern relationships. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...

The Intimacy Trap: When Sex Becomes a Relationship Test How much, how often, and how good...what your sex life really means for love.

In dating, everyone focuses on sexual chemistry. Yet, in long-term relationships, emotional chemistry is what really matters.

The magic ingredient is appreciation: When partners show love and gratitude, intimacy thrives.

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Chemistry Beyond the Checklist: Why Looks and Status Aren’t Enough The surprising science of attraction and relationship success.

Looks fade. Status shifts. Careers change. Character endures.

The surprising science of attraction and relationship success…

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Dating Made Easy: The Power of Knowing What You Want Tired of dating that feels draining and confusing? The secret isn’t dating more, it's dating clearer. Learn how being clear about what you want changes everything.

Clarity reveals compatibility. When you know what you want, you see who fits. @psychtoday.bsky.social
@psychologytoday.com
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...

Is the idea that getting into a romantic relationship increases well-being a myth? A new MacLab paper says no. And I had so much to say about this work, I started a Substack: The Unromantic. Links for the paper and the Substack in replies.

Perfectly Flawed: How Realistic Expectations Create Lasting Love Everyone deserves to have a great relationship, but “great” doesn’t mean perfect.

Don’t seek a perfect relationship, build a resilient one.
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The Gender Myth: How 'Men vs. Women' Thinking Destroys Intimacy Thriving relationships aren’t built on stereotypes, but on understanding.

If you look for differences you’ll find them.

But if you look for similarities, you’ll find those too.

One helps your relationship, while the other makes connection more difficult.

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A situationship is when they're not invested enough to commit, and you're not confident enough to walk away.

What If Everything You Believe About Love Is Wrong? What you don’t know about relationships could lead to heartbreak.

Relationships are important.
Time is short.
You need to get it right.
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Why Smart People Make Bad Relationship Choices: The Myths Ruining Your Love Life Relationships are important. Time is short. Get it right.

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors…” ― Anaïs Nin

What are you missing? The next “course” on Psychology of Relationships starts soon…

open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...

The Connection Code: Your Keys to Unlocking a Love That Lasts Over twenty years as a relationship scientist and professor, and now over three years as a dating/relationship coach have given me lots of insights to share.

#9 - Don’t use how someone feels about you to decide how you feel about them.

#15 - Long-term relationship happiness relies on compatibility. Your romantic partner should be your best friend.
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The Science of Communication: What Builds Connection and What Breaks It We need to talk.

Every relationship problem has the same initial solution: Communication. psychologyofrelationships.substack.com/p/the-scienc...

Break Up Doesn’t Have to Leave You Broken Great relationships seldom fail, but bad ones do as they should.

"When your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does." open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...

The Foundation of Forever: Simple Strategies for Enduring Connection Healthy relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they do take (a little) work.

Healthy relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they do take (a little) work.
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Happily Ever After or Single Again: Does My Relationship Have a Future? Your choice of relationship partner is the one decision that impacts every other area of your life.

Relationships are important. Time is short. Get this right.

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Find Your Dating Why: 6 Key Motivations for Seeking Love Dating isn't just about who or how, but why. New research points to 6 key reasons people seek love and why your “why” matters, because not all reasons for love are created equal.

You might be dating for the wrong reasons without knowing it. What’s your “why?” @psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...

The Erosion of Intimacy: Dealing with the Dark Side of Relationships Cheating and the collapse of connection.

In your relationship, you don’t get to decide whether you cheated or not. Your partner does.

Intimacy doesn’t end with an explosion, but more often, with erosion.

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When the Spark Fades: Feeling Adrift in Love You and your partner have built something together, something that once felt special.

You and your partner have built something together, something that once felt special.

Now, your situation isn't ideal, but it's also not a dealbreaker.

You’re caught in between.

You’re adrift in love.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...

The Science of Communication: What Builds Connection and What Breaks It We need to talk.

Every relationship problem has the same solution: Communication. It's critical to build your skills by learning:
▶️ Why You Need to Argue More to Fight Less
▶️ What Are We Fighting About? Top 10 Conflict Triggers
▶️ How Can I Improve Communication During a Conflict?

Midterm Bonus: Relationship Psychology Meets Real-World Dating Strategy Follow your heart, but take some strategy with you.

Interested in psychology? Relationships? How about using those to better navigate the world of dating?

Sex Ed 2.0: The Conversations We Missed I remember my high school sex ed class vividly (it’s not why you think).

People in fulfilling relationships have more sex.

However, having more sex doesn’t guarantee a better relationship.

What else do you wish you had learned in Sex Ed?

The Truth about Attachment: The Science of Secure Connection Attachment is kind of having a moment.

There’s a lot about attachment you may not know:
- What do people get wrong about attachment?
- What are the subtle signs of avoidance?
- How can you become more secure? open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...

The Science of Love: From Instant Chemistry to Lasting Connection You have to love well in order to live well.

The love that gets you down the aisle, isn’t the same that gets you to your 50th anniversary.
psychologyofrelationships.substack.com/p/the-scienc...

Letting Go Takes Time: The Science of Missing an Ex You broke up, but your heart hasn’t. Research reveals why letting go takes time, how long it takes, and what makes it better and worse.

Letting Go Takes Time: The Science of Missing an Ex | Psychology Today www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...

Clarity Attracts Chemistry: The Power of Knowing Who You Are Ready for some science-backed dating and relationship advice you never thought you’d hear?

To find the right person, you have to be the right person. What questions can you answer to boost self-understanding and help get you relationship ready? The latest article from my Psychology of Relationships Substack.
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