Ready Roowolf

Boosting again 😞 my account is in the negative currently. I owe $99 to Plume by Thursday and then $176 on my credit, and the job hunt isn't getting any easier. Reposts appreciated ♥️

When I get back home to the computer that has the program I use for it, gonna have some fun messing with Aseprite and pixel art again.

against Deed and Silver made me beyond frustrated.

And on the note of what has me frustrated about this

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK Musha. Because I distinctly remember coming to them to vent about messed up, confused and hurt I was about Rae (before that shit doc came out btw) and to learn that my relationship with Rae at that time was weaponized to use-

Fuck Twitter btw. For being a nazi site now obviously, but also because of the new way the chat works there, it's impossible for me to go back and look through Dms now, so I can't confirm anything about specific events that happened and make sure my timeline is right.

Just tired of feeling and getting hurt... and tired of watching people get hurt.

The best thing to come out of commentary for me was intro making, meeting Luna, who is still one of my closest friends years later, and @pcuspy.bsky.social who is an absolute light in my life who helps remind me that life is worth living.

associated with my groomer, and how I was still in contact... so it showed how little they cared.

I think the impact it has on me even now, struggling with my own self confidence in my writing and project ideas.

I hate it.

I think about the stuff that it made me want to do... that it made my poor mental health only get worse.

I think about being outcasted due to Rae ties, NOT being helped when I had already been groomed. I think about how often I was failed.

I think about how people knew about people who-

"expect" me to be black.

I think about how I was groomed... how I was groomed and people doubting me. Hearing that people thought it was a suspicious time.

I think about how it badly impacted me... how it made me want to fix any situation I could at the extent of my own mental health.

I think about the difficulty having sleep worrying about the thought of making a bad video and it being ripped apart days later, to then be used as an example of a bad content creator.

I think about the obsession with slurs and jokes, the first time I had to hear somebody hear they didn't-

oh so normally talking the worst shit on people who didn't deserve it.

I think about the random kid I commentated on a damn worst list of once that didn't upload a video after. I think about the final thoughts that were so bad and harsh it turned somebody off making comms altogether-

I was introduced to sexual shit as a minor I shouldn't have known about that fucked with me in multiple ways.

I think about how it made me somebody so active to seek or debate conflict just so I could prove I was right at shit. How much it got normalized to me to see chats that were-

Sometimes I think about how being in the SCC impacted me.

I think about how I start to panic if I see a message being typed for a while.

I hate how I get scared of getting into relationships because I either show my love too much or the fear of HOW MUCH I love them.

I think about how-

I was tempted to just put the full screenshot, but it's not worth it, the one talking shit's biggest crime in the community was just being an asshole.

I don't see why it was so integral to get on me for the crime of... gushing about my current partner at the time. I remember that this actually fucked with me at the time and made me self conscious about how I talked about my partners

Was looking for something in some old messages last night, and it's just... I came across an old screenshot I took yeaaaaars back. I censored the names and my deadname.

Allow me to be a petty bitch for a second. I remember seeing this conversation in a chat (Not TCP( back then and like... bitch-

Posted some of these on main but one thing about being on vacation that's nice is that it has given me a lot more time to work on enemy design stuff for that game I'd like to make. as well as getting use of older images.

failed multiple people or made things worse. If you see this and I ever hurt you in my time in the community, whether directly or indirectly, please tell me.

Something I also want to say is just that like... by no means was I perfect in my own time in the community. I fucked up multiple times myself. Believing the wrong people, and in some cases, not going as hard as I should have. There's some moments in time where I look back at and and feel I just-

stuff like that, I wish for nothing more than to be done with commentary stuff, and to get some time to heal after the stuff I've had to go through with all I've learned this year.

my mental health has just taken... so many blows, and I'd rather focus more on my writing, and goals of possibly making a game in the future. I just hope you all respect my wishes to just be left alone.

I may look back on old videos, intros and stuff and laugh with friends, but aside from-

from the audience I built as a commentator, and I want to interact with them instead. I don't like just... blocking a lot, it feels like guilt by association shit, and I don't like that, but that's why this account is still here, to interact with me, and where I can just talk about random stuff-

This is to protect myself. To be absolutely blunt, aside from specific people I'm chill with, most of which I still have as contacts, I cannot trust people who used to be around that circle. I have been burnt and hurt too many times. I have a new following on Bsky that's completely different-

Right, long as this account exists, may be good to make the pin message.

Hi so if you're reading this, good chance you're connected to the SCC or familiar with it. There is also a likely chance if you were part of it? That you're also blocked on my main Bsky account.-

this shit isn't okay.

When this document came out? I actually went to Guru to apologize, in part because I thought I'd actually fucked up and gone too harsh with how I tried to argue he should be kicked from TCP.

In hindsight? NAH FUCK THAT NOISE I WAS RIGHT!

Tw: Rape mention

Nah, cause one of the things that I'm mad was somehow decided to keep in was Spaceguru's... everything? I got so much shit thrown by way in this part for getting on him for saying THIS shit.

Yeah, great, let this stay in becuse I decided to let him know that saying-

addressed like this for the crime of just...backing Rae up about at worst, really unfunny jokes about cis people. I'm aware the person in question doesn't stand by this but it both stayed in the document and am still frustrated it existed. But that's not the one that gets me super mad.-

So something I realized i haven't talked about my experiences with the SCC was the Rae doc.

When the Rae doc first came out? One thing I didn't appreciate was how I got fucking dragged into shit. In a document going over how Rae was a fucking sex pest, abuser, etc, it feels fucked to have been-

two can finally let their stories be told.