The older I get the more I empathise with Squidward. If I had a coworker who was even half as annoying as Spongebob I would have quit.
I don't think I have heard anyone use the word 'random' in reference to something that was actually random in over 15 years.
The contestants on The Apprentice are the worst dregs that should be kept well away from any functioning business.
If you bring Cards Against Humanity to a party, please give me your contact info so I can be sure to specifically exclude you from any parties I host in future.
The primary advantage of the British political system over the American one is how much easier it is to remove a shit leader. When Truss crashed the economy she was gone within weeks. The poor Americans are stuck with Trump until 2028 no matter how much he fucks things up.
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Seriously people start flossing. I used to be against all.the faffing about but after 3 months of flossing every evening, my teeth feel amazing.
I don't understand people who rinse plates before putting them in the dishwasher. The whole point of a dishwasher is that it washes the plates for you.
For emojis, Unicode has given us every conceivable facial expression, several obscure vegetables, and a goose. Yet still forces us to imply a spunking cock by combining an aubergine and droplets. This is not progress. Give us the real thing.
Seeded bread is shit. All the seeds fall off the outside and become kipple when you open the bag or cut it, instead of being baked in.
You'd think that by now somebody would have taken a step-ladder up to the top of Mount Everest, just so that they could stand atop and claim the honour of being the highest anyone has ever stood.
As a woman I've dated many handsome, gym toned men. All of them were vain & arrogant. Advice to all women. Find an average looking man who is kind & funny who appreciates you. You can always dress them better & encourage them to hit the gym.
A relationship is over when one of you doesn't back the other up in public. Anything up to that point is salvageable, even cheating if you are repentant and the other is forgiving. But as soon as that public disunity line is crossed, it's fucked.
Best Car of the Year awards should be collected by the engineers and designers, not the sales director.
Any politician doing the 'non-pointing finger clenched fist' gesture should be instantly discredited. Nobody does this in the real world and if they did they'd be laughed out of the room.
Every physical copy of a book should include a free digital copy available for all my electronic devices. I love reading „the old way" at home but can't be bothered to carry around one pound of paper just to read a few pages during my lunch time.
They say that if a badger bites your hand you'll come away with fewer fingers. In my experience that's not strictly true. You'll come away with the same number of fingers but some will be smaller. Steer well clear of badgers.
The correct use of an ellipsis (...) is to indicate a sentence is incomplete, or to suggest more information will follow. It is not a substitute for a comma or a full stop.
Vampires don't live in castles. Count Dracula lived in a castle because was a Count not a vampire.
Obviously there are more graphically impressive ones since, but nevertheless Tetris remains the single most perfectly and ingeniously designed video game ever made.
Male gay porn is much more exciting to watch than straight porn if you're a straight woman. They show their faces in a moment of pleasure rather than focusing purely on breasts and "parts".
Yes, we may have won Waterloo, but we really shot ourselves in the foot when we decided to name the bridge after the battle. Now, if I don't put 'station' at the end of my search on Google Maps, it takes me to the one in Belgium. A terrible blunder.
We're putting your opinions into a LIVE SHOW. Catch the full show in Glasgow (17th March 2026) Come argue your bollocks opinion - live. https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Young people have never been inherently cool. We seem to accept every older generation is uncool. The idea was invented in the 60s but only because there was a culture revolution they were part of. Most older people are way cooler than any teenager I know.
Adverts on TV should come with credits for the actors. Too often I'm annoyed trying to remember who/where I remember them from
Any DJ that talks over or fades the guitar solo at the end of "Wuthering Heights" should be sacked.
I don't know what factory in China needs to read this, but literally nobody needs a torch that flashes "SOS" and has seven different brightness levels. It needs a switch for turning it off and on, that's it.
I love all the Star Trek mirror universe episodes. All the men and women are complete slags. Wish they would do an entire series of it. Rated 18, of course. Some proper telly.
At every Premier League game, a supporter in kiit should be randomly selected from the crowd and allowed to play in whatever position they prefer. This would help reinvigorate a game that is becoming increasingly tedious. Don't want to play? Don't wear the kit.
You know you're getting old when you think it wouldn't be the end of the world if you ended up marrying the woman off the Sun Life over 50s advert
