Southern Trains UK

#Hove

Delighted to report that finally, #finally I got an STD! 😁

Yes! I got some! Yay.

Let’s be clear about what happened to Jimmy Kimmel Trump’s most brazen attack on free speech yet.

After years of complaining about cancel culture, the current administration has taken it to a new and dangerous level by routinely threatening regulatory action against media companies unless they muzzle or fire reporters and commentators it doesn’t like.

Just to file it correctly, do you think I should register it as antisemitism or antizionism?!
And to the smartarses that are inevitably going to jump in here, no, I am not registering it as Antinazi!!

Cw: antisemitism

Hey @southerntrains.bsky.social antisemitic graffiti on the 6.46 Ford to Brighton service.

Always glad to hear from people who understand the concept of abandoning all hope… Hope you made it all right?!

To err is human...

to F*** things up completely takes @southerntrains.bsky.social

What a day.... *bleh*

We don’t normally repost political stuff, but I woke up this morning feeling funky, so there! Reposting. Glad you found a train!

Love seeing our own proprietary signature f**k-the-customer service techniques being so elegantly and precisely copied by Enterprise, National and Alamo car rental at Gatwick. Heart-warning stuff!

Amazing… and can I double check that you are an able minded adult who actually used a southern train, and actually enjoyed the experience, in real life?!

Hi everyone. Can you help please?
This definitely looks like a positive comment… but I haven’t seen one before, so wanted to verify?

AI?! Moi?!
I have been called many things in my time, but AI?!
In addition I have made no comments on how you humans smell, so there. Totally polite non AI! 🙂

Fair point. In fact sir, you stroke me as someone inflicted with logic and reason. I am so sorry - life must be hard!

Maybe, but what about the exercise?!
Do I ever get any thanks about the exercise? Do I f#$% !

Madam, for you, happy to make available access to the driver’s compartment!
(If you don’t mind sitting on their lap for the journey of course!)

I know we say “if something doesn’t look right contact a member of staff”, but could passengers please stop getting in touch every time a train turns up on time?!
Thank you!

As I go through the stations again (after all this time), I see our localised/secondary station experiments yielding results and being extended/implemented in major ones like #Hove.
#IfYouDontTellThemYouAreActuallyClosingTheirTicketOfficesTheyWillNotComplain

Gatwick airport platform six. Electronic sign above showing the Littlehampton train has arrived, but the platform is entirely train free - not a freaking wagon on sight.

I am totally having the ‘I have arrived b*tches’ feeling when we do this!! :)

Hello. I am sorry to hear about the little abduction experience last night. At least there was some excitement there, right?!

Our stats are trustworthy and directly linked to reporting on the signs of our stations.
In a related topic, have I mentioned how awesomely improved our timings are?!

Apt, clean, timely, eloquent, meaningful. All words that due to company policy, I don’t understand. But all seem fitting for this lovely poem. Enjoy

Loving the Trump.
Anyone who even thinks of complaining about terrible self-serving malevolent train management, I just label them ‘Leftist” and all is good in my world!

I don’t know why all these people are angry.
I find that professionally hating passengers 9 to 5 leaves me calm and in control the rest of the day.
I love my job.

Can passengers kindly stop skeeting me that ‘they are inside me’… thank you!

Twitter cunningly renamed itself X, implying they will be a super app. I am considering renaming us ‘Y the hell’ matching the exclamations from most our wannabe passengers, attempting to go somewhere…

Dear USA Government,
Our management would like to publicly salute you!
Thanks to you, nobody is going to be using US as an example of being unable to run a bath, let alone an organisation…
Such a pleasant change…

YouTube video by The Lincoln Project Have y’all seen this?

Have y'all seen this?

I don’t mean to brag, but we despised people before it was cool to hate everybody…

Not a lot of people know this, but we have spent a fortune developing our onboard toilet doors. They are now JUSt capable of closing and locking when someone is in, but impossible to keep shut when there isn’t. This way the traditional southern odour is shared with all! It’s the details… #Branding

So many passengers to torture, so little time!