Eli :3

Sometimes I’ll be chilling watching YouTube
When suddenly a pure black screen goes up and a McDonald’s ad comes on in what I believe to be mandarin
It scares me every time and I have no idea why

Bumble will show you an ugly, misogynistic, MAGA dude
You’ll swipe left
And they’ll tell you
“YOU JUST MISSED A POTENTIAL MATCH”

NO I DID NOT

I seem to have this unpopular opinion that once a baby starts teething they shouldn’t be breast feeding anymore

Why are you as a grown ass woman letting your elementary school kid suck on your titty??

Real pervert shit

Whenever I scroll through tinder
I use @xycron.tv voice to narrate the bios
And if Robin would make fun of the bio in his snarky tone
I know it’s not a match

(I also have bipolar schizophrenia)

Nobody blows kisses in a sassy way anymore
They just flip you off
We’ve fallen as a society

Masculine: Brother from another mother
Feminine: Sister from another mister
Gender Neutral: Bestie from another testie

It’s so uniquely white American to have a group of white people go to different countries that the primary language isn’t English to ghost hunt
Only to “talk to the ghosts” in American English

BABES YOU’RE IN BRAZIL
SHUT UP

A DUDE MATCHED WITH ME ON TINDER TO CALL ME FAT AND THEN IMMEDIATELY UNMATCHED ME WHAT

I don’t understand mentioning your ex in your bio or flipping off the camera in your pics OF YOUR TINDER PROFILE

I don’t “move in silence”

I actually move quite loudly

Stumbling, tripping, bumping into things, and falling

You WILL know when I’m coming

My mama used to say
“Eat all the food on your plate, there’s starving kids in Africa”

Now she’s realized that there’s ALSO kids who are starving here in the states

And now I have an unhealthy relationship with food

“Cruel & unusual punishment” is banned in the US
Until its a veteran coming back physically and mentally changed from serving and they’re left homeless
Like
There’s child predators who get to own houses and the local vet in a wheelchair is relying on the kindness of others to eat for a day

I have nowhere else to put this but sleep walking & talking runs in the family
My mom will reply to you with nonsense while she sleeps
I can hold a proper conversation while I sleep
I once screamed I was “melting” cause I was sweating under my blanket while I was sleeping off a sickness

Just thought of this dude who tried to argue with me that American Sign Language wasn’t a language but “just a form of communication”
And when I asked him what language was he ignored me

Don’t think he’ll ever see this but a year or two ago
My little brother made a digital portrait of Jack Black and I’m still so proud of him

A few days ago I found a bee struggling on the cement in front of my porch
I panicked thinking I stepped on it and didn’t notice
It was just cold and curled up
I picked it up, put it on a flower, and pet it until it started moving
Came out a bit later and it had flown off
So darn cute

Just rewatched the @itsmattrose.bsky.social “What’s the worst thing your pet has done?” Vid from 3 years ago
Was reminded of when my brother left my bag of hubba bubba on the floor which my sog Belle immediately got into
She then proceeded to fart bubbles for the next 2 days
Culprit pictured below

Him telling me he fell outta love with me MONTHS ago and was just gonna wait until AFTER valentines to break up with me is so painful
I thought I would marry this man
And now he’s admitted to being on the apps and not wanting to even be around me

I hope @xycron.tv knows he’s my fave narrator
But also my grammas favorite
She doesn’t understand much English but loves his laugh and hearing him laugh makes her laugh

are his ears allowed to do this?