Kelly “Free Link” McGonigal

Good lord, put on your space suit!

“Men don’t want to vote for people who don’t support scams” is a hell of a thing to say.

I’ll never know because the idea of spending over nine dollars for a McDonald’s burger is abhorrent

The marketing person at Burger King who was like "hey, lets put out a video of our CEO eating a hamburger like a totally normal human being and not some sort of robot alien who hates the idea of food" is actually a genius.

Give that person a raise.

This is why I dropped him at the tattoo and nothing he said about it made any difference to me. Even if I’d found his explanations and remorse credible—which I don’t, especially—it’s a massive campaign liability that I think should be disqualifying in itself

American Jews have been TRYING to tell folks that yes, AIPAC is evil, & fuck them, but Christian Zionists in the US outnumber Jews IN THE WORLD & have risen to power in all areas of our government, & they want to bring the End Times (& kill all the Jews btw), AND THIS IS WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.

That’s a combo desk chair/toilet and that’s why the camera cuts off at the waist

And since I am on that sizeable Xennial cusp, my not neatly fitting into your parameters for the cutoff tracks

Maternity leave

“If you wanna make a pearl, you gotta get some sand in your clam!”

ffs guys, you’re gonna make sen. markwayne waynemark’s head explode

Imagine the Iraq War. Now imagine George W. Bush has dementia, Dick Cheney is a Teddy Ruxpin with a David Duke tape in it, Donald Rumsfeld is a blackout drunk, and Colin Powell is a chihuahua.

And that's just where we are.

An illustration of a man staring blankly while holding two large, tan puppies in his arms to avoid social obligations. Fill your arms with puppies so no one can ask you for help

Life hack: Puppies

I'm currently at $150, and the total I need to save my storage unit BEFORE 8PM Pacific today, is $650, between last month, this month, and late fee.

PLEASE consider helping me avoid losing important items like my wheelchair, spare canes, knee braces, and such?

literally your customer base was 90% parents of young children who want a good future for their kids in which they can be free to be themselves, no matter who they are. you told those people to go fuck themselves. they won't be back

Ive listened to my mom's voicemails endlessly since she died last year. ENDLESSLY.
Its obviously not about just listening to the voices of those who we lost, but about reanimating them and making their voices tell us things we want to hear--which seems so unhealthy.

❤️‍🩹 I’m so sorry. May something you see or do today remind you of her and let it bring you comfort.

In fact, at least with my mom, I’m pretty sure if I tried to do this, she would actually haunt me. My dad was always curious about new technology so idk exactly how he’d feel about it, but I’m pretty sure after giving it a quick whirl, he’d say “Can’t you imagine what I’d say better than this?”

“There’s something really potent in being able to hear the voice of your loved one that’s not a recording of what they said”

I just…don’t get this? I miss my parents terribly and sometimes do listen to saved voicemails from them, but I never want to hear their voices from a hallucinating robot.

Wow, transphobia really does rot the brain, bc why would anyone even care about what’s in someone’s pants in a guitar group?

It's always "trying to bring about the rapture" and never the part of the bible about eliminating all debts.

If they were really serious about biblical teachings all loans (including credit card debt) would be wiped at the end of seven years

You were your own red card here

This is like those scenes from Brooklyn 99 where Holt would be undercover as a straight man and pretend he was attracted to women and their “large … heavy … breasts.”

Pookie, an elderly white cat with black splotches, lies on an orange corduroy couch. His hind legs are fully extended behind him, and his eyes have his trademark blank gaze. I have no idea why he finds this comfortable, but he must, because he lounges like this often.

Pookie, you weirdo lol

To be fair, she is a very high-strung person and would have absolutely lost her mind if he’d told her who he really was, so that was a good call on his part. She was like “I don’t know a James Abernathy” and he pretended to be sad.

We had to give her a follow-up call to tell her what’d happened 😂

My ex-husband and I met him at an event he did in KC for his book. My then-mother-in-law loved him so we had him call her. They had a good conversation but the whole time, he told her he was James Abernathy lol

Right? We’re on our umpteenth rewatch of The Good Place and Eleanor said “Aw man, now my first words after our first kiss are ‘Hot diggity dog!’” and Ash and I just looked at each other and said “Happy birthday to ME!” with a laugh

so bros put a different starch in hash and now we have to discourse about it

WHAT THE FUCK

The United States running out of missiles is like McDonald's running out of fries.