cirrus

ah.... sometimes i am jealous, sometimes i am so so sad, and sometimes i am lonely. honestly... im fine with that. what really inspired me so much about other people's art and what drew me to drawing (hehe) in the first place was art that made me feel like i was in another world. art that pulled me into such a sweet universe and made their dreams real. how wonderful is that! i spend so much time trying to figure out how to "conquer" myself and my emotions so i dont feel bad so much (or at least how to listen to them). Now that i have a better handle on them... i dont feel as sad or lonely anymore! which is awesome! ... but then again i dont feel that much motivation to do art... or study... because if i am content where i am and where i stand, why should i change anything? im already as happy as can be! but that kinda sucks hahaha. maybe its better when i felt horrible because i had a reason to make things, to better myself. at least in small amounts. i think back and feeling apathy and hopelessness was the worst (probably around end of hs and end of college) and i dont want that again. do i have to feel bad to make good art? i was raised to tie affection to good grades, and now that ive broken that down a bit, i dont study as hard.... maybe its ok to have a bit of a screw loose to get me where i want to go (um actually the healthy thing to do would be to find your own internal motivation to do these things and to be successful in life but thats hard.ok thats hard. im working on it) for now lets keep on walking forwards to become the person i aspire to be. keep things honest, keep listening to yourself! my emotions tell me what i want to know, and ill try my best to appreciate each one ^_^ happy valentines day eheh

oc x my fav except my ocs are an extension of myself so its basically yumeshipping for valentines day

im drawing yume stuff tonite cuz i know how u feel :P

Me in peak

anything is possible, i just have to reach out to take it. life would be awesome if i could just sit by and watch it play out, and have everything go in my favor. ive grown up set down a specific track by my parents and i really never grew out of that. so i just wait for someone to take their role and tell me what to do, who to be. in the end thats not really a healthy way to see life, because i just get disappointed. and so ive been trying to take things into my own hands more frequently. at some point social media became more about oh... will oomf like this... and stuff like that. but i realized it really doesnt matter. sometimes you just overestimate your importance in other people's lives (and vice versa). i think ill spend my time on what i really like. somewhere down the line, my art became something to maybe get other people to like me rather than for my own enjoyment and because of that i think its lost some of its spark (when i actually drew stuff LOL). while its fun drawing stuff for other people, i do think my favorite pieces that ive done, what i drew came from me! i think thats why i like these sketches a lot. im getting off topic. anyways i realize i just dont have a lot of self confidence because im always afraid of not "living up to my potential" that i dont even try, or im scared of fully committing. but i realize i should just go and do it and accept myself even if im shit like. if i do it and realize im bad i can always try to improve. but if i dont ever try because i "might" be good i wont ever get better. thats why i became salad in the first place... it was someone i could be who was nobody, nothing, a random. but once i actually got friends and people i cared about, i started getting afraid again. was i really trying to connect with others or just asking others to save me? anyways ive been singing karaoke in my room to myself its pretty fun. i wish i had more time to draw. school is hard ._.

7:30 i brush my teeth 7:35 i make pancakes and spill it all over the floor are you kidding me i made some more after :(

continuing this week!

i dont know who i want to be. i dont even know what i like anymore

i forgot how to draw

this is going to be my hourly comic day thread feel free to mute it 12:00 im sleeping on my bed and drooling. having a great time. im a salad bowl 5:00 i wake up thinking, its hourly comic day 6:00 im back sound asleep, in a different position 7:00 sunlight streams through the window, running a line across myself, waking me up and disorienting me

good morning
#hcd #hourlycomicday

oh also i should draw different fanart not just yordles all the time... i could probably just make everyone furry and draw that instead if im afraid of drawing humans lmao

i think i might just keep this account for pencil stuff and post all my digital stuff to main even if theyre unfinished. idk why im so afraid of posting my sketches on the other account. i just want people to see my best self but if i end up not posting anything, people wont see anything at all!

what makes you, you? how did you get there? what kind of a person do you want to be? i lowkey forgot how teemos general body shape was so thats why hes in the top left lmao especially cuz anime bodies are like.... much longer

i heart love bullet also the new teemo skin made me think of it

meow

im just having fun forever and ever ok?

go girl give us nothing (by girl i am referring to myself.) i planned on drawing a lot more but then i simply didnt even when i promised people id draw for them. oh well. trying to get back into it now. i dont know why i keep expecting people to act differently and then like get unhappy when they dont act like how i want them to. if anything its just me making myself unhappy. oh well! its always not enough time to do everything i want. its not like they didnt give me signs of it anyways. /shrug

I LOVE HORNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

twitter: new update, every time you post, elon musk is literally going to break into your house and shit directly into your mouth
users: that sucks but….i mean i HAVE to stay on there…..

When will I do a full colored piece again? The world may never know....

why rumble so anime in this one. (its because his head is smaller than normal and also his eyes r just like that) im actually fucking insane i think when i have 3 positive interactions with anyone day after day i get soo so happy like my brain receptors are so fried afterwards that its hard for me to do things that arent perfect or that i dont see so much benefit in or that just give me that hit of dopamine like i made cookies and instead of cooking like i usually do i ate like 6 and then some random thing just ends up snapping me out of this pleasure chasing mode and i get super tired. its like i need to have that again the day after and again and again and if thats true then i really dont need to do anything cuz my brain thinks im winning! yippeeee.......... i need to recalibrate myself.... im always like "ohhhh i need a break" but really i just need to do the damn work so that when i go crazy i wont be so far behind. anyways im actually obsessed with machine love and birdbrain by jamie p they have infected my brain like only few songs have done before

ive been playing videogames instead of drawing

Thanks!! I really appreciate your comments ^_^ I use this more as a vent/alt account and a way to track my progress over time and it helps me organize my thoughts so don't take anything I say here too seriously ehehe. Also I'm always down to talk too!

aspect, flask, cirrus, crowly, ren, clover, and presto! half of them are from old dnd/pathfinder campaigns that probably wont see the light of day anymore the first three are just my ocs

my ocs

aaaaaaauuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuu i gotta draw more is really it. i started playing league again and its taking so much of my time i could be doing useful things in my life or just drawing. its just hours and hours of mindless games and laughs i guess but no real connection. when the game's over everyone leaves and we really dont talk very much.

fizz has such a weirdly shaped head

some figures and other sketches

Hihi

Thank you ^_^

fizz x amumu

i am not immune to propaganda

I think its hard for me to calibrate how im feeling. a lot of times, im feeling really sad about maybe losing something i had before, but i forget the wonderful things in front of me right now. ive spent so long making unattainable goals for myself and the people around me, nothing feels like enough. ive spent time chasing a number... for what? to affirm to myself that im doing something right? i think im still evaluating myself based on a criteria that only works for myself in school. i love putting myself in situations where im not good enough, and looking for signs that just affirm that ideal. i think i really believe in the golden rule in that... i try to treat people how i want them to treat me. and when that doesn't happen i dont really know what to do. i dont know how to let things go.

sketching during worlds is fun

Your propaganda is working on me skdjksjs

i watched all four seasons and the movie... but the test is over yippeee

i actually cant bring myself to study this weekend i watched like 2 seasons of overlord straight

ITS WEDNESDAY... AAUUUU

fire alarm just went off during my big test and they might make us retake it halloweekend is over auugughhghgghgh

waiting and hoping will get me nowhere. also im just realizing now i really hate smolder's head or how i drew him ewwwwww

i like fizz x amumu its really cute

was i really feeling better or was i just closing everything off by work? do i need to feel bad to feel inspired to create? it feels like the whole world is falling apart and im just going to school again. what do i even want in the future?... what do i want now? do i really just do everything for attention? what's something only i can do? who should i become?

a

ok it was sleep deprivation + waaayyy too much caffeine i think im normal now. i hope