i am the walrus 🍉

Remember when I went to Ulta for one thing and ended up spending $300? Follow me for more financial advice.

Not enough people talking about the movie Borderline. Ray Nicholson is THE nepo baby. Samara Weaving is THE scream queen. It’s funny. The soundtrack is fire. You’re welcome.

AND YAS DOESN’T LIKE KIDS?!?! God I love them so much. I hope they look for a third someday… #YasAndJamieforever #LoveIslandUK

I recently bought a sectional that’s basically a bed and it is easily one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. And it’s pink.

I just learned that Jonathan Joss was killed while him and his husband were grieving their dogs who died in a fire. I’m really sick of people lately.

Who let J Lo do this? #amas

Texas just banned all thc products so I guess I’ll be moving sooner than I thought.

Sorry can’t go out tonight. I’m waiting for more hunger games cast announcements.

I never stopped calling it HBO Max. Jot that down.

Have to call off work and lay down because I just found out the largest living organism on earth is a MUSHROOM.

I really hate that I’m still shocked and appalled at the news. I shouldn’t be yet here I am…

Just curious, what’s the tariff on a $400 million jet from Qatar?

complaining about my day means I’m in a decent mood. if I say some shit like “just practicing gratitude today” I’m probably at rock bottom and contemplating illegal activity

The golden globes episode of The Studio is why iPhones are so expensive now. Tbh the entire series is a recession indicator. Everyone and their mother has had a cameo on that show.

Thank you for sharing the purrs!

I really hate here.

Would’ve been a lot funnier if JD died instead of the Pope.

A matching set? A girls’ girl if I’ve ever seen one.

"I didn't vote for" you did. Sorry. You did. Should have listened to the woke libtards instead of your roided out imaginary friends who told you kids were pooping in kitty litter at school

In these trying times, never forget that Prince loved New Girl, and hated Kim Kardashian so much, that he made them kick her off an episode so he could be on it instead.

Do we think @booker.senate.gov is committed enough to be wearing a catheter?

Kesha. Gaga. Selena Gomez. New Hunger Games book. Low rise jeans. No one’s eating. Yeah babes, it’s a recession.

Yo @benstiller.redhour.com where is our financial compensation for emotional distress?

American society doesn’t deserve Walton Goggins twice on Sundays actually.

If I am being honest, the most unsettling thing to me right now is the complete lack of DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY, given that the entire ground has collapsed beneath those of us who believe in liberation. Maybe I am alone in this line of thought, but doing the things we did in previous years isn't it

For those that think the workplace will get better once boomers and gen x retire… may I present to you my overflowing inbox on a Friday before 9am.

“Want” and “they don’t have a choice” don’t go together. Not shocking considering his history understanding the definition of consent.

Fair point.

The skin color. The wrinkles. The voice. The dumb yet nefarious look in his eye. 0/10.

Millennials grew up around blatant scams and computer viruses. That’s why we’re the best tech generation.