Jesse

I (79M) bombed a country because nobody came to my birthday party and then I told everyone we should make peace. AITA?

Personal growth is throwing away the removable cup liner right when you take the tags off the brand new bra and not giving it a home in the back of your sock drawer for the next seven years.

Every single time I see a video of Britney having fun and doing whatever she wants while not harming a soul no I didn’t.

Simpsons meme featuring principal Skinner saying “am I out of touch?” And a new image with him looking up saying “no, it’s the women who are wrong.”

Enough men that they literally call it an “epidemic”:

Boy that’s twice now that god whiffed it by a matter of inches.

A You’ve Got Mail 2025 reboot but it’s just Shopgirl receiving all of Pete Hegseth’s secret war plans.

RFJK Rowling because we need to start consolidating our villains.

“Why are there suddenly so many autistic people??”

My dude. Autism has always been here except instead of identifying and providing supports we bullied for being different or locked away in institutions.

Men will literally build an entire app instead of just going to therapy.

Back atcha!

I’m at the market crash. I’m at the tariff war. I’m at the combination market crash and tariff war.

Girls will be like “I needed this” and it’s just watching the stock portfolio of every republican member of congress simultaneously plummeting the furthest in one day since that time we entered a global pandemic.

The seven year old just complained about the out-of-order down escalator at museum being roped off because “it’s just stairs now!” and I really can’t wait to introduce this kid to Mitch Hedberg one day.

Using three consecutive question marks in a work email is basically the equivalent of walking up to me and smacking the can of La Croix out of my millennial hand.

Please expect a proportional response.

Gonna have a real stern talking to with the annoying person* who taught my 3 year old that when he isn’t going to comply with a request it’s appropriate to respond by singing “you can’t always get what you wannnnnt.”

*Me

Screenshot of one of the Atlantic article’s secret war chat conversations in which every participant has a generic default profile circle instead of a pic while drunken dummy of the year, Pete Hegseth has an official headshot as his.

You guys. Pete Hegseth uploaded a headshot as his secret treason account profile pic 😭

Pete Hegseth just texted our group chat that Bruce Willis was actually a ghost the whole time.

Lonely Males: OMG ITS AN EPIDEMIC OF LONLINESS WHAT CAN WE DO??

Women: what if you just tried respecting us?

Lonely Males: naahhhh that can’t be it. Gonna hate you even harder now.

Killmonger from the Black Panther film saying “how do you think your ancestors got these?” to a museum curator he is about to unalive

Indiana Jones saying “this belongs in a museum”

lol Killmonger would have hated Indiana Jones

I don’t doom scroll. I doom refresh. I need the illusion of controling the doom.

Gwen Stefani, Jewel, and Katy Perry are really doing the absolute most to dismantle the “cool alternative white lady ally” brand.

Occasionally you see people wondering “what will it take for m*g* people to stop supporting him?” and it’s worth remembering the phrase “drink the Kool-Aid” exists because a bunch of folks famously never found a line they wouldn’t let be crossed.

Turns out the bass player from No Doubt made some good points.

My favorite film genres

5. This time, the sports are different
4. Somebody catch that guy!
3. Pretty drawings that move. Oh no they are about humanity 😕
2. A person is FED UP
1. Robots. What’s up with them?

Saw an instagram Easter post about how to dye little potatoes this year instead of eggs and that feels like a pretty accurate summary of a second Tr*mp term so far.

Spring Daylight Savings is the Ted Cruz of calendar days.

I just need Target to know that once when I was 13 a Radio Shack employee was rude to me and almost made me cry and I didn’t step foot inside one of their stores for the next 21 years and cackled the day they declared bankruptcy and had to shutter their doors.

I will absolutely hold this grudge.

BREAKING: DOGE team to shut down all Taco Bells nation wide amid claims Americans have been living too mas.

Yep. The effect is still the same for everyone else.

You know what’s funny? I never feel the urge to chime in with “not all Americans” because A. it is unproductive to the conversation and B. I know I’m never one of the ones they’re talking about.