BlueTy

"Here, take a senzu bean!"

"Nope! I'm allergic to them!"

"You've never had one!"

"I can't eat most beans, any legumes, beans of a traditional bean shape — it's one or all of those. And how does it fill you up for days? I can't have gluten, dairy, soy, red meat, fish, chicken, pork, tomatoes..."

Bob Barker's microphone was the opposite of a Slim Jim in that it grew in length over time

Zelda Dungeon Maintenance: "Crew — at the end of the night, make sure to lock up in a convoluted manner to thwart and demoralize intruders.

Key holder — TAKE THE KEY WITH YOU!! Do not leave it in an easily accessible chest!"

Redditors 🤜🙅🤛 Reading comprehension
↑
The very same redditors

It's Friday the 13th today. It's safe to walk under ladders if you just don't feel anything anymore

"Mwa ha ha! I will kidnap Peach today and thrash Mario for good this ti-"

"He's going karting again."

"Mothball these new plans! Fetch my wheels!"

If Trump stares at a pool of water, will he drown like described in turkey lore?

Asking for a friend.

(Well, maybe for oodles of friends)

"Load the ark! Two of every animal.

...Yes, even the ones in South America. I don't have a map. God will tell you where it is. Shouldn't be too far.

...Yes, just two. No, they won't grow hungry.

...Defecation? God will take care of that.

...Procreation on the boat? God is forbidding it!"

Ocean dub DBZ was like: "you didn't die when I sunk your battleships, ripped apart your helicopters, and leveled your cities, but you will writhe in agony over the economical damage and recovery efforts"

Deaths on this day: Osama bin Laden, J. Edgar Hoover, Joseph McCarthy. Three's a crowd, but you know who loves crowds?

It's you! Don all — tacky or not — your festive hats if you celebrate today

Floors are lava but they only harm humans, not furniture, toys, pets, etc.

It's Hug a Newsperson Day. I find that very thoughtful. People ask "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" but rarely ask "How's the frequency, Kenneth?"

New DJT album, "Fear of a Bleak Planet," drops tomorrow for $45.47 ($14.88 if you hold a golden U.S. visa)

You best believe I'd run over to his grave if I have the runs, should I be near enough. I'd hope the seep rots his coffin and the smell reaches him that far down in hell.

♪ I sought the tariff
'cause I didn't keep my faculties ♪

Late is better than over-obligate

You put your two hands in
You put your two hands out
You do the Trumpy Grumpy
And you shake yourself about

Contents: Just look in the bag! It's see-through!

"I will implement tariffs" 🌸
"I will not implement tariffs" 💠

It's been almost a week since the Chiefs lost the Superb Owl, hence more than four hours. At this rate, I might keep chopping it until the next season

Perk of a 13-month calendar system: less January!

🐇🐇, you fucking awful month! 🖕🫳💪

Making America Losers Over Dimwitted Orangeman Reactions

When do you believe they'll start letting random soldiers crash in your house? Gotta protect the border, rights be damned.

Looking more likely every day. Mid 2025?

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

Saluting around machinery
may cause injury or death

youtube.com/watch?v=UKqi...

"That's great, but who are the riefs?"

Guaranteed 3peat!

#StarsAndStripes #ForTheBrand #SackHimGently

If we're not counting the head, neck, hands, and feet, jumpsuits are more overall than overalls

Bears are like, "if we let them get the first down each time, we'll have more downs to stop them with"

If I play the drums on my head, I'll eventually be a professional concussionist

"The Land of the Free and Home of the Brave (formerly)"

Honestly jealous