Preston Tompkins

BREAKING: The Austin Comedy Scene is weeks if not days away from developing a nuclear weapon

If Paramount buys WB they're gonna make Superman take down Hawk Girl and Guy Gardner for what they did to Israel, I mean Boravia

Im gonna cum

The low Scream 7 Letterboxd score is gonna hit like crack

Im at the age where I keep saying "Everything was better when we were younger." For example, people used to be embarrassed about listening to Kid Rock and would never admit it

When Trump was sworn in last year someone I was following outed themselves as Trump supporter and was rejoicing about how great it was for bitcoin. They were like "buy now, buy now, trust me." A year later its worth $40,000 less. Yummy.

So cool we get to watch ICE execute another person in broad daylight and Democrats are like "yeah give them MORE money"

I don't know how but the Orbology woman is how we defeat ICE

A middle school class in Florence, Kentucky is making Valentines Day cards for troops overseas. This is the first time Donald Trump wished he was in the army.

David Zaslav sitting with Paul Thomas Anderson at the Golden Globes

I guarantee you their gonna put a fake cast or boot on the ICE agent that murdered that woman

ICE: Kills US citizen
Trump: I'M BANNING AIRBNB FROM BUYING UP PROPERTIES HEY LOOK OVER HERE HEY YOOHOO OVER HERE

I've circled back too close to the sun

Trump just brought two illegal immigrants into America what a hypocrite

At dinner. Table next across from us is two people sharing AI videos of animals. Im gonna blow my brains out when the ball drops

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth has ordered the military to board Santa's sleigh

*Erika Kirk takes the stage*
Keep it going for all the other widows you've seen tonight!
*Looks at woman in the front row*
And what did your husband do for work?

Gearing up for our next short film. 28 Kegs Later starring Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. My co-writer/co-director Zach Reinert and I are raising funds. Hit me up if you want to be an investor 😈

If Trump bombs Venezuela tonight then he defintely gave Bill Clinton a sloppy toppy gawk gawk 3000

"This is getting blown out of proportion"- Trump

Dick Cheney isn't even in the ground and Lynne Cheney has already been seen hugging JD Vance

The Supreme Court will decide on if marijuana users can own guns. When reached for comment, the NRA said "Every American has the right to bong arms."

Michigan police are adding AI audio translation to body cameras. They'll finally know how to say "Please don't kill my dog" in over 50 languages.

RFK Jr. said that being circumcised is linked to autism. Which makes sense cause turtlenecks give me sensory overload

Diddy has requested that he serve the remainder of his sentence at Fort Dix. This is due to the lack of room at Guantanahole.

Definitely a slow burn, not for everyone

31 Days of Contemporary(ish) Horror, night two. This film by Travis Stevens starts off like any story about a serial killer taking a new kill up to the cabin for a weekend but quickly turns on its head. Incredible visuals and trippy sequences, this film would be paired perfectly with a glass of wine

31 Days of Contemporary(ish) horror, night 1. This directorial debut from Chris Nash is a refreshing entry to the slasher genre. In A Violent Nature reinvents the game that'll leave you with a little pang in your heart while also showing you one of the most inventive kills on screen in recent years

Got fired cause the far right contacted my employer about my Jane Goodall joke. All I said was her pussy so wet she slipped and broke her neck.

All I gathered from Pete Hegseth's speech is he only wants men who make him hard in the military