Constantine

i have no ass and i must shit

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT going to regret listening to this bird:

"Actually, I have always thought Tarantino's movies were dogshit," announces the cool and sexy genius and immediately a parade is held in their honor and everyone has to tell them how great their asshole smells. "Finally, a hero emerges!" We exclaim.

We need to go back to the drawing board on this whole "money" thing, it's not really working out

an internet explorer window against the windows xp background with a geocities.com address in the bar "/Kingofkings". The page displayed is a broken image on a black background, and the sentence: "My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; Look upon my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

[I turn on the TV and every channel is showing me being burned in effigy] This can't be good

Norman Rockwell's Freedom of Speech but it's Ellen Ripley

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

a screenshot of a knight on a white horse captioned 'Enough, enough of such discourse!'

when you've had enough of the discourse

Four more illustrations of fish with insulting names. They are: ‘spotted scat’, ‘flabby whalefish’, ‘whiff’ and ‘Greg the Big Dumb Arsehole’

Fish With Insulting Names: Part 2.

Meme: Straight ahead: Pausing to consider the meaning of Cohen's lyrics Everyone, for some reason, takes the exit towards Singing "Hallelujah" again in religious contexts

hey guys i made a seasonal meme

imagine walking down the beach and seeing jesus carrying some guy

Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it

Those who DO learn from the past are doomed to yell "AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH" all the time

Oscar Isaac in Frankenstein. Caption says "oh sure blame the guy whose fault it is"

Favorite new reaction image

4 panel comic Panel 1: Purple Guy holds up a comic. Orange Guy stands with his hands on his hips. Purple Guy: Hey I made a political comic Orange Guy (very mad): A comic? You’re making JOKES? Panel 2: Orange Guy: You need to seriously focus on EVERY SINGLE atrocity happening on the planet right now Panel 3: Purple Guy’s face is contorted in terror Orange guy: I said ALL OF THEM Panel 4: Purple Guy bursts into flames Orange Guy: Better

when u post a political comic on bluesky

@amagire@mastodon.social elevated horror: what if you're grieving your loved one TOO MUCH? folk horror: what if a child's disability could EAT PEOPLE? supernatural horror: what if your childhood trauma could EAT PEOPLE? psychological horror: what if your adult trauma could EAT PEOPLE? body horror: what if your gender dysphoria could EAT PEOPLE? slasher horror: what if a random guy was trying to kill you, instead of a cop or your boyfriend?

this one doin numbers on mastodon but bsky doesn't let me have enough characters

One of the better Simpsons lines

Little cartoon of a pumpkin guy. On the left is a happy pumpkin guy, on the right a sad pumpkin guy. Text reads “I have two moods: Hee hee. Not hee hee.” By @qian.dreaming on IG

I really hate repeating myself BUT…

[Scene is a 19th century drawing room with a sign outside saying TRANSPORT INVENTORS CLUB. Inside, the German Engineer KARL BENZ is addressing a meeting of gentlemen about his new transport idea] 1 KARL BENZ: OK guys - you’re gonna love this 2 KARL BENZ: So it’s like, a box made of metal that goes at up to 120 miles an hour, yeah? [Karl shows them a diagram of a car] 3 KARL BENZ: And your drive it down one side of the road, and the boxes going the other way go on the opposite side, so we don’t need to build two roads! 4 OTHER GUY: What’s down the middle? KARL BENZ: A white line. 5 OTHER GUY: So like, a white barrier… KARL BENZ: No a white line. Drawn on the floor.  6 OTHER GUY: And who’s piloting these machines? KARL BENZ: I was thinking: random members of the public. 7 [Pause, the other guys all look with concern at Karl] 8 OTHER GUY: Karl are you OK KARL BENZ: No listen it’s fine  9  OTHER GUY: You know we’re worried about you, don’t you?  KARL BENZ: No really it’ll work - 10 KARL BENZ: Once hundreds of millions of people have died and the world’s started ending because of the fumes it’ll all be normal. 11 OTHER GUY: Is that normal like the ‘commuter travel device’ you brought in last week which was just… 12 OTHER GUY:  …an iron maiden fired from a catapult? [The other guy displays a diagram of an iron maiden being fired from a catapult] KARL BENZ: THAT WOULD’VE WORKED! [ends]

Carl Benz has an idea

Barry Allen: Ah, oatmeal. The perfect breakfast to start the day right. And, hey, why not spice things up with a tablespoon of authentic maple syrup? Oh Barrence, you saucy minx, what would the Justice League think if they saw this wild side of you? Reverse Flash: i must destroy every aspect of your life

Happy Stanislav Petrov Day! On this day one man prevented the apocalypse.

It's really a golden age of being punished by our parents, teachers, politicians, and culture heroes for believing in the moral ideals that they themselves taught us

"…and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel.”

Shout out to everyone only now learning that "Albert Einstein was reclusive at the end of his career, shunning public engagements."

Really meant,

"For the last *20 years* of his career, Einstein opposed US racism by only speaking publicly at Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs).

BBC News headline: Frankenstein is monster success at Venice film festival

Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival

A man reaches St Peter at the gates of heaven. The man: "So... is he dead or not?" St Peter: "Sorry... Wrong place to ask."

The tradition is to draw the arrival in front of St Peter. How will cartoonists manage this one when it happens?

Autistic woman who follows all the rules somehow still always in trouble Woman looking scared and anxious in the dark

Sarah Harrow, 38, who thinks through her every action with the strategic neuroticism of a moral philosopher, is unfortunately not in control of how other people react to her.

Bail us out of trouble somehow (?) by supporting our Patreon; www.patreon.com/posts/136541...

Spider-Man on the Genesis has the best continue screen I've ever seen in a video game.